lil didi bout jane and the glow worm…

seattle is consistent in how she expresses opposite weather on the daily. yesterday was sunny with clear skies and cleansing winds. today is rainy, misty, foggy, and grey. tomorrow will most likely be not rainy or sunny, but a strange mix. in the winter sometimes, she will go days or even weeks into a grey rain, just as in summer she will be hot and sunny, often for months. fall and spring is when she expresses polar extremes on the daily. it’s like jumping into a cold pool after a hot spring. it’s boosting my emotional immune system, being able to jump from sunny yang to moonlit yin on the daily. by the way, i am calling my emotional body a glow worm because a glow worm was born into my belly last week and it’s some form of awakening of my emotions. makes sense in how i process, through image and right brained metabolizing. the glow worm caught somebody else’s sadness yesterday afternoon, not sure who, could have been just floating in the air with this thin veil. it glommed onto my inherent sorrow and the two tangoed me right onto the couch for a crying spell. cass caught on and validated what i was beginning to feel. i did a cleansing and the sorrow of the other lifted. i was left with only my own,which i can work with. me and the glow worm played house as i procrastinated working but really, it’s not procrastinating, it’s a building swell. by evening i was in a productive yang mode again. back to the ordinary. i tell you what, not being forced makes it harder because still, my inclination it to forever explore my insides like a traveller, with nothing else to do but that. it’s a double edged sword living in this american culture. on the yuck, we are forced to prove ourselves through these set expectations. degrees, papers, tests, internships. on the sunny side, this trains a person to really be present and good at the service they are providing. i rebel inside because my learning style is so different than what i am being asked to do in order to get the letters to get the degree to be legitimate. but i do it anyway because i discovered that being a misanthrope led to my demise. in this life i am meant to infiltrate and penetrate the system. i am meant to hold contradictions. on the positive side, i am pushing past my own sense of can’t, which truly is learning, so it all works out in the end. on the yuck side, time runs out each day and how i long to be spending it another way. you see? hot spring, cold pool. sunny day, rainy day. the tension between opposites. i see myself as jane, swinging from vine to vine, becoming an acute acrobat of this world, carrying in my heart the divine. i feel so alive.

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