blog feels hard this morning because my thoughts are jumbled and my feelings are big. the full moon, right when it hit, changed me on a cellular level. i was sitting in an apartment at a poetry reading, listening to a poet. before 9:23 was feeling a bit out of it, lowered energy, unsure of myself on a general level, tired from school…then as the full moon rose to apex my cells all started zinging, my body felt proud and tall like a cheetah sitting up to greet the sunrise in a desert. inspiration flooded my heart as my mind came up with creative ideas. i felt sure of myself, energized. walked home in the refreshing breezy rain. no storm ever came. immediately fell into a deep sleep but not before the moon tapped on the blinds, asking me to take her picture. then sleep, coupled with deep dreaming. themes of last two nights dreams seem very freudian. too intimate to blog about. still analyzing. got only three days before school again. how to use them? i want to stay immersed in reading and creative expression. it’s hard to balance what i want to focus on versus what i need to focus on. i want to delve purely into jung and creative expression but i also need to read other things and begin my next paper. i cannot even conceive of looking for a new place to live. i can hardly conceive of what to eat for lunch. i feel a whole bunch. a bit hyper. needing some aerobic outlet but wanting it to not be typical. would love to dance the night away or climb up into a mountain or something other than just go for a jog or do yoga. it’s the aries full moon influence bringing out the inspired child in me. school was inspiring too. how wonderful to be around others who dig behind reactivity, black and white thinking, and shallow thinking…in hunt for deeper truth. i value the community. i feel excited to be alive. sitting in a basement apartment listening to poetry excited me. i am thankful for my poet friend always on his way to a reading. it felt like new york last night. maybe seattle is the new new york? dreaming. another reminder of how much i love city life. i don’t want to leave it. i think about how many times in the past three years i have tried to turn myself into somebody i am not, in my head. or how many times i thought i was too old or should let go of something i love because of a judgement on myself. i am hyper aware of how my ego thinks i need a new persona. what if i don’t? blah blah blah. unravel unravel unravel. expect the unexpected. life, no matter how hard and messed up, i love you.