rowing my canoe gently through the dream….

yesterday we were cats who rested, stretched, and ate from morning until our heads hit the hey. the rain was coming down, sky deep heavy grey, wind blowing. i had a case of emotional pms, feeling extreme levels of tenderness and fear for the harshness of the world. we shared some chardonnay in the afternoon. how’s that for bougie? but we did it our style, in the quiet of my studio soaking up rain, talking about a myth that comes through my head. i finally shared with her the entire myth, which first came to me in her bedroom fifteen years ago while looking at pictures of angel statues she took in europe. maybe i was in a trance, cause i hardly remember it. afterward her message to me was a reminder again, this is the story i need to write. how i will find the space and time with grad school i don’t know, but her words stuck with me. she wanted me to buy a tube of purple paint that was the color of purple mu because i said once i painted purple mu it would be time to write the myth down. but when we entered the art store i felt detached from it again. defense mechanism? not being ready? both? timing is everything and i do feel some defense around writing this myth down. after all, it’s been three years and counting since i knew i must do it, and still the words only come out in various chunks. she can be a mirror for me because i see her resisting her creative calling just the same. we both made a commitment not to resist anymore. she is going to go home and paint. it was a powerful day that we needed to imbibe supine inside a gravity laden rainstorm. were we uncovering our creative calling within a rain globe being shaken by a larger being? maybe. night time turned silly with snap chat voice changing hilarity. finding humor in trump’s ridiculousness. humor being a salve to the pain. once again back to the tenderness and fear of this realm. watching the feelings rise and subside in strong waves. if you can bring love to every feeling and situation alongside the rational explanation of why it is happening which stems from wisdom gained, there can be an emotional even keel always on the inside. this emotional even keel, for me, is being connected to spirit. this is the fruit i have gained from my practice. the fearful tenderness experienced yesterday, i was able to feel and bring love to, understand and explain. for beneath those feelings sang the equanimous spirit on her canoe floating down life that is a dream. even when i released twenty years of repressed sorrow in a tsunami of tears at my last educational conference, i was able to bring love there as i watched the deluge from my spirit canoe, understanding the healing taking place. i realize there are certain arrival points in life, even if you never stay put, and i have reached one of them through many years of work and dedication to my practice. from my spirit canoe i am handling with love and awareness, all of the feelings that rise within me due to life’s challenges. feels really good and it is an achievement for me in this life, as i come from the other side, where suffering was me on the daily. after yesterdays’s emotional melt down/mythic creative calling wake up call, i feel ready to face the world again…

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