not swimming in divisive rivers, a psychological lens and coming from love…

i shouldn’t have read that article in the washington post about trump’s lewd remarks, nor should i have read the comments underneath. it’s no surprise he objectifies women and no surprise either that people in the comments will believe what they want through delusional colored glasses. it’s not like i expect awareness, love, and compassion to reign…but still, it hurt. not the best way to wake up in the morning. another facebook stain left on my heart. i would rather know what is happening on a zoomed out level, i don’t need the gritty details. astonishment is an addictive emotion i wish to take no part of. i don’t need to bash him either. i will continue to stand for love, awareness, justice, liberty, equality. sigh. i have a friend visiting who is sleeping and i don’t want to wake her by tapping keys. long conversations through the city streets last night, and i ate a little cheese, consciously. we spoke about issues with rigidity concerning veganism. how neither of us want to be like that (she is vegetarian.) i am clear that my plan is to eat a little cheese when i feel rigidity build and take over the genuine protest against animal cruelty i feel which motivates my vegan path. this path is a process and i am in this for the long game. it’s hard to explain but there’s a big difference between saying no because of the genuine protest and saying no because it is rule i must stick to no matter the context or circumstance. structure without rigidity and protest that remains heart based is my path. one of the reasons people hate vegans is for their holier than thou attitude. i don’t want to be like this. being vegan is not about me, it’s about the animals. i wont shove animal rights down anyone’s throats because i know it does not work to do that, no matter how desperate i feel for animal cruelty to stop. the goal is to be kind to all sentient life. it was great to walk through the streets all day talking about everything. i needed it. capitol hill, soon you will not be my home. strange. a lot of people i talk to tell me not to move to the east side because that is, in their minds, where all the corporations, strip malls, yuppies, and everything not culture lives. partially this may be true but also yuppies live in the city and yuppies are people too. i don’t hate on types of people. working for a corporation and living the “yuppy life” is what this country breeds people to do. a kind and loving yuppy is better than an arrogant and dismissive artist any day in my book. and let me tell you, there are a crap ton of arrogant and dismissive artists. the realness of a person has nothing to do with their cultural type. it comes from within. i don’t feel holier than thou for any of my beliefs or what type of person i am, and if i get arrogant i want to know and not be that way. wherever i live there will be loving and unloving people in varying degrees, stores and restaurants, boxes to live in, city streets, suburban side walks, graveyards and trees. i don’t need to live in a cool area. my goal is to live in a convenient area that feels vibrant and serene. this could look like anything. no me against you or us against them. it’s a tall order, i know. how to defend the sacred truth of love and equality without divisive language or mind-sets being a tactic? having a psychological understanding about cruelty and abuse helps me tremendously. i don’t believe in evil beyond it referencing a cruel human behavior in a descriptive fashion. i don’t believe in a devil. i don’t believe people are inherently bad are good. people act bad or good. the capacity to be harmful and cruel exists in human nature. we are not an angelic species. it’s hard to face that fact but it’s true. what is also hard to face is the dominance hierarchy that exists as nature itself and this biological underpinning is much older than the human species. it is what it is. how the dominance hierarchy of nature expresses itself psychologically through humans is a real thing. how it gets exploited is a real thing too. shadows exist. i am telling this to myself this morning, too. reality is this morning’s coffee….

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