from tangent to tangent she swings…

listening to solfeggio frequencies this morning. feeling…i don’t know. not doing yoga for three days makes me feel like the old me. the me that woke up soft and undefined every morning. a leaf gently floating toward death in an autumn breeze, dandelion fuzz carrying a child’s wish, light sparkling on the surface of the sea…all things barely brushing the physical. is this why my muscles are dense like an athlete or why i hold extra weight in my tummy? don’t know, don’t care. my heart is tender right now. i keep wanting to say “as fuck” with everything. tender as fuck. wafty as fuck. this is because it’s the new catch phrase buzzing through youth’s collective. written it is: AF. tender AF. wafty AF. i keep stopping myself from saying and writing this. i don’t like how it feels. it feels like a snotty kid. i don’t want to communicate like a snotty kid. snotty AF. hahaha. anyhow. the sky is hybrid this morning. half blue and half grey. exactly as i feel inside. i find myself being sucked  into solitude. was alone last night and probably will stay alone today and tonight. there are friends i would like to see but the vortex of aloneness is a strong brew. not sure what to do. it’s me being the leaf again. waiting to see who will catch me. want to do grocery and farmer’s market shopping, finish my painting, read for school and jot down more notes for a paper, take out the trash, take a pair of pants to the alterations place, check places on craigslist…all ordinary stuff. i am craving autumn immensely. i want to wear jackets and scarves. i want to drink from warm mugs and read all cozied up on couches. i want to feel magic in the air as the goddess makes her way back down the stairs to the underworld. i love underworld season. i miss the sea. i am craving the sea too. not much else to say. my mind is on pause cause every time i hit the play button it is same ole same ole-ville. i don’t want to imprint the same ole stories about men, dating, being a student, lessons, etc. i am sick of everything i think i know and ready to know new again. i am the goddess walking down the stairs into the underworld. it is a peaceful place when you are no longer afraid. the river styx is dazzling to gaze into. the sky changes shades constantly, from blue to yellow to purple to even red sometimes. many creatures roam about that look nothing like the ones we are used to in the middle world. hades is a great guy. he enjoys watching the middle world and reflecting upon existence over cups of pomegranate tea. people give him a bad rap like he’s evil or something, but that’s just projection. we humans are masters of projection, as if owning our own shadow would kill us. actually, it’s refusing to own our own shadow that is needlessly killing too many humans…but anyways…

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