i hurt my back and it’s scary. last night i woke up at midnight with it hurting, went to the bathroom and could not stand up when finished. made my way to the ground, stretched, crawled to my bed, lay in pain doing hand reflexology until i could walk to the kitchen to get advil and finally fell back asleep. woke up in this morning and it’s stiff but not doing that seizing up thing like it did last night. this happened last day in vegas, post yoga. i did not warm up enough in yoga i think. now i must rest from doing my practice for probably like a week. surrender. it’s scary to be alone when this happens. what if i cannot move and i am stuck and away from my phone? take my phone everywhere. ok. it’s scary not to do yoga for a week during this pisces lunar full moon eclipse madness. like three or four of my healer friends have all felt the same desire to leave this realm and go back home. extreme grief in deep waves. i felt it monday but haven’t since. i feel like these grief waves are mother earth sobbing. the sky is grey today. stiff back, no yoga, grey sky, waves of grief for humanity from mother earth’s soul. a lot a lot a lot. i am going to surrender into this cycle without identifying with the wounding on any level. i am not the feminine wound. i am not the wounds i carry or the wound of mother earth. what is it about pain that wants to fully encompass a human being? this back pain is refocusing me back to what is simple. i already miss my health and that’s all i want. how to make it sweet? music and art. life is scary alright. i fee the earth shifting. i feel so much. i feel like jung felt before the war. he sensed it coming. i sense something coming. but i cannot focus on it. gotta keep keeping up spirit. i remember when i broke my ankle in san francisco i was alone, and yet the city helped me. ambulance men took me to the hospital, the security guard from school took me home, cab drivers got me to doctors appointments, friends and family visited. trust. hopefully it wont get worse than this. hopefully last night was the worst of it all.