vegas love and insight…

in vegas. feels so damn good…so damn good…so damn good. i love being with my family and joey the cat. i love the peace of the desert. i love the clean sanctuary of a home my virgo mom sustains. i am in a slice of heaven right now and this does not feel like an exaggeration. so over my damp studio in the city. yesterday i received vital and hard to hear feedback from my teacher. a lot of it was highlighting strengths but there was one important and true message she called out as a challenge. i do over-identify with the wounds i carry. i did not see it till she said it. now i see it. i see the difference clear as the sun right now…between feeling and identification. feelings pass through like weather. identification calcifies, becoming like a second skin. identification can suffocate. feelings release trapped energy. feelings are verbs. identifications are nouns. feelings are always honest but identifications can be deceptive. sort of. sometimes. they usually are to a certain extent. it’s not black and white, more of a grey area, but point being….i can see how and why i have over-identified with the wounds i carry. i don’t mind talking about this publicly in blog, but what i wish to keep private is the why. i know the why and i will create a code word for it, in order to speak of it here. the code word is: blue pig. i am putting myself into a new learning realm of being able to feel my feelings, underworld or daylight versions, without constantly referring to blue pig. it’s blue pig turning verbs into nouns. it’s blue pig calcifying what needs to pass through and not stick. what to do with blue pig? emergent learning will let me know. in the airport i spun out. luckily a fellow spinner was online. she told me flat out i was spinning. so i stopped. just like that. it’s not hard anymore. too many times on the merry go round to be fooled by spinning anymore. i am in some sort of refining process. ok, enough of all this for now. soul hungers are being fed today. animal love. home love. sun love. cleanliness love. family love. i have all i need in this moment. i feel blessed. i am ultra highlighting the joys to off-set old patterned thinking. all for a purpose. and what is not for a purpose? i am craving ridiculousness so bad. lightness. fun. humor. everything unserious. please universe, rain on me your core sense of humor that cackles beneath everything…

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