full moon time. i felt it yesterday, that moodiness from the swell of her light. great conversation outside with a friend at night. we talked about relationships a lot. about faith in what we know to be true. i realized i need to invest a bit more in leo energy, in the ego, in allowing myself to build a healthy ego. house twelve north node is always working to transcend past the ego. it’s a tough balance. yesterday i took my first jog where i jogged the entire time, no walking. for two miles. this is a big deal for me. it felt amazing. i love the feeling of my body turning into a furnace. without headphones it is easy to focus on my breathing and meditate while jogging. i got onto that zone they talk about. i felt i could have jogged into eternity. becoming vegan has lightened my body too. i used to not feel lighter when i was vegan. my body always craved meat, dense foods, and felt ungrounded when off animal products. this time i feel more grounded and flute-like. my body is changing. i notice that eating fruit is starting to feel the best. especially berries. we are always changing. i don’t believe in staying the same anymore. the only core i am feeling is love. love is spirit. spirit is breath. a simplicity is washing over me. too many words binds freedom. i want more of this spaciousness and light inside. spent the afternoon learning APA style formatting and writing up a synopsis. it wasn’t so bad. the rules seem ridiculous. a child’s game. this culture works so hard to be valid. i don’t buy into it. i just come from the heart. but i am complying so i can have a pathway to come from the heart. a way to give. a way to support myself too. mutuality. i was venting a bit last night about how sick i get of the metaphysical stuff sometimes. i don’t fully immerse in it because my belief system is rooted past the mind and metaphysical information is purely mental. the energies of the planets effecting me is not mental, only talking about it and giving it language is mental. the tarot archetypes are much larger than mental, but once they are turned into a card and spoken of, they become mental. what i get sick of, is the mental part. not the energies and their effects themselves. it’s a passing phase and very aquarian for me. i feel past the mind and rest in the expansiveness. soon as i speak or write i am contracted back into a limited form. sometimes i want to feel only the expansion. i am zen at the core is what it is, but i take on many dynamics from psychological to metaphysical, all for the sake of usefulness. it is not useful to be zen for me in this life. the monk is on a mental journey. six of swords. so be it. i really just need to get in the water. friday i am going to get in the water. i am going to immerse this body in lake washington…somehow. i need the water.