rushing faucet turns into dribbles for the full moon…

i’m writing this blog at night, how weird is that? i feel turned upside down like the hanged man but i don’t feel desolate anymore. an ally came to visit and i got to go back home with him for a night and day. my pantheon brother from the same planetary mother, how much i love K. we go to a place together where we are free of taking anything personally and we analyze our thoughts, actions, and contemplations about ourselves and all of life. while doing this we also take characters on, just for fun. last night i was Doc Nite. Doc is a woman who likes to dress like a man, not a woman who wants to be a man. Doc never feels two ways about anything. he always knows just what he wants. he is very calm, loyal, and particular. oh it was so much fun to be Doc last night on the town hashing out our inner worlds, being mirrors and guides. i know he will watch me die in this life. had a vision once. could be wrong but i don’t care about being right. i knew i needed to get to the water today and K made is happen real easy. he rented a car and we drove to the east side. every time i am in a car and we hit lake washington, i get an instant feeling of extreme relief. ahhhh, i usually say anytime i cross that bridge, but only from seattle to the east side. on the way home it’s more a feeling of entering back onto the mother ship. to me, seattle feels like a ship while the east side feels like land. secure. safe. but some parts also feel empty (the sun always casts a shadow). first we went to a park in bellevue. K took a swim but i am mooning and wanted to remain dry. needed to read for school so it worked out great. i read in the grass among the bees, under a birch tree. i love birch trees. maybe the most. they are gentle and magical trees. put my feet in the fishy smelling water and could tell it wasn’t pristine but that’s all of us anyhow. i wanted to take off all my clothes and submerge. i want to do this in a pristine lake. i want to do this every morning first thing. that would be profound. after the park we went to downtown kirkland on a whim. that’s where it felt empty to me. pretty but empty. white privilege was a huge topic this trip and downtown kirkland exemplifies. now that i am reading the life changing book, “sitting in the fire” i feel able to see more clearly how white privilege operates in me and also how to love all the human hearts, no matter what side of the fence we are born into. to love us all while also recognizing i have the privilege to feel this sentiment because i don’t have to fight my way through daily external messages that i am not loved. both/and. so much learning right now and i realize that action is needed in every moment and this luxury of time is my privilege too. my heart is bursting through old casings. too much to write about here. i am feeling very jack kerouac right now but without the drugs. free flowing fire tapping these neon green keys. Doc Nite coming at you (you’ll be reading more from me later). being Doc, reading books, learning, driving back and forth over water, this is how i am spending my time now, flipped upside down, dangling by my toes with my head toward the ground. i am tired of staring at pebbles while wishing to be released. K snapped me out of an arrival-illusion mindset. you know how that goes…you find yourself always working for tomorrow and forget to appreciate today. chasing happiness like a dangling carrot, part of the circular and competitive drift of this this cult/ure vulture feeding on the death of your dreams, yo. anyhow, gotta let go of that story because it’s getting old… and tired. let me instead listen to the wisdom of the elders, which is timeless…

yoda what say you?

you are your breath. breath is not part of the body, it is what makes the body come alive. breath is who you are, feel yourself breathe…

the full moon is commencing tonight in my blood and feelings even thought the full swell is not exalted until 11:30 pm tomorrow.  the full moon is about full inner illumination flushing out what no longer serves the path you are on…and this time she is wearing the sign of aquarius, which is ruled by uranus. the metaphor of this full moon is the lightning strike.

are you ready?

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