storm watch wednesday…

in a tornado of feelings and watching them course through this body. i long to be near my blood family but we live so far apart and i am committed to staying here because of school and my path. i have tribe here, so much love. why must my heart be divided? i feel overwhelmed with sorrow. accepting this overwhelm. and this too shall pass. anxiety courses through. and this too shall pass. i have my tools. life is hard, for everybody. the reality of this life is a mixture of ingredients. grief is real. loss is real. love is real. joy is real. sacrifice is real. dreams coming true is real. letting go of dreams is real. we love and lose. we age and die. the world goes on. i find peace as i zoom out and adhere my heart like a glittery sticker to the big picture. not detaching, just rising above in order to breathe. currently the mental aspect of mystical elements means nothing to me. i don’t care what the planets are doing or what chakras are out of balance. all i care about is love and the ground beneath my feet. tarot is always with me though, my best friend, my blood also. i could live in virginia again, in the future. i could live in florida. i could sacrifice once school is over. i could take the extra classes needed to move. i wish i had a million dollars (says most of humanity all the time). inner child is speaking loud. she wants everyone to be happy and she wants to make everybody happy. this is not reality. ganasha says i need courage today. i do. i need courage to follow my own path and continue forward. i feel tired today. i don’t want to do yoga or jog. my nervous system is in need of deep care. will get some theanine at the store. gratitude that i have the tools and endurance to ride these storms. maybe take a sea salt bath. maybe let the body rest. take it easy. trust in the process. family systems is intense. i am applying everything i am learning in school, to my own life. finding as much treasure in family systems as i have unearthed through astrology. family systems is where the richness is for me now. not the mystical, the blood. the place i have feared my whole life, the mysteries of this body and my bloodline. a yearning to be closer with my blood family. a drive to understand who i am systemically and to transform aspects of my personality that do not serve my soul mission. a need to rewrite my bloodline narrative. some yoginis get to their mat each day. my yoga changes each day. it’s on the mat a lot. but today, it’s in the tub. today, i plea to durga and ganasha. may i find strength in love no matter how love manifests. these tears are love. this storm is love. my caring and sacrifice is love. sometime i must sacrifice family for myself and sometimes i must sacrifice myself for family. nestle in the moment, scared child…and trust that what you need to do and where you need to be will present itself at the right time.

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