so much change. so much change. the tower card. holy crap. got my vedic chart read last night and it was profriggenfound. scary profound but i can handle it. i’ve become acutely able to let go of identifying with what no longer serves me, existing in discomfort for extended periods of time, climbing the tall rocky walls of my karma with strength and persistence, and choosing what is new over what is familiar. saturn rules me, is me, runs through my blood. it is the obsidian arrow head i wear over my heart and on my finger. pointed serious vision. i have a serious serious streak and happy about it. not the “follow your bliss” all smiles, light hearted type. thank goodness for them though, we are each other’s polarized balance. main aspect of the reading: i am coming out of the comfort of spiritual other-worldly introversion into this world, communicating within the community, extroversion. in vedic, the north node is to be tempered, as it is the head of a demon. in western astrology, the north node is the guiding principle. basically, the two systems are totally different. even in western astrology, how one system interprets can be vastly different than another. astrology is subjective. when i read charts i use intuition more than book knowledge. it’s the same as asking a bunch of different people to describe somebody or a relationship between people. you will get many different stories. the planets are effecting us whether we talk about it or not, causing the blood and psyche to be a certain way…and yet the narrative we wrap around this effect is widely varied and often contradictory. i embrace this. resist nothing. the vedic is harsh. but through it i have learned and understood why i always feel like i am saturn, why i feel forced into the world (though i am choosing), why higher learning is my most passionate desire, and why romantic love has been a challenge for years on end (among other things). my attraction to emotionally unavailable/immature/thwarted men with prowess and mental agility is found in my vedic chart. goodbye to that. i feel a new me arising. my desire to be with an emotionally present and generous man who wants to contribute to helping people, is my equal. my equal can communicate how he feels and can take responsibility for what he is creating. he loves to communicate as i do. oh to be listened to and understood, not just be the one doing the listening and understanding. ok, enough listing. bring me a higher love, bring me a higher love, oh oh. i feel like who i am becoming is the flip of who i have been in many ways and there is something to that. on a lighter note, a new cafe opened on the hill. it’s filled with couches, great music, friendly staff, and the kind of vibe that reminds me of the seventies, the decade i pedestalize. i will study there today before work. the headache and fatigue left. think i can make it for a jog. think i am gonna move soon too. feeling a new home approaching. ride the tower fall. ride the change. i got this. oh man, those super loud sea-fair planes are flying over my building right now. it’s so loud it makes my heart pound. i feel sad for the animals. it sounds like we are at war or being bombed. i hate this with a passion. ok, facing what i hate with passion. hello, loud heart stopping noise that goes on for hours, would you like some roobios tea?