rushing river ramble on sunday…

sunday, hello. yesterday i wore myself out having a happy socializing day free of worry about responsibilities. fun times allowing my unconscious to flow out of my mouth like the flooding of the nile. high energy bright star dopamine maybe from the jog, the wind, the sun, who knows. so much talking. by the time it hit 9 pm i could not keep my eyes open anymore. anxiety flooded me as i went to sleep reflecting upon my capricious unfocused overly social ways being out of balance with my productive introverted focused side. need balance in a big way but maybe part of that is allowing summer capricious fun to have its way. balance is always my work in progress and work of art. i know i am partially overdoing extroversion right now because i feel lonely for partnership. the usual palpable longing, but it’s not all about that. i also love to communicate and hop around the city and talk about every idea in my head, listening to the ideas of my friends, as the world falls down into my lap mixing with creative ideas. sorrow and inspiration. in the air conditioned thai restaurant playing syrupy indie music we talked about home and goals. walking through the windy sun soaked first hill streets on the way to hugo house we talked about “six feet under”, both of us huge fans, bringing each character into archetypal status. sitting in a hot low-lit seventies community center packed room, i listened to stories of pain written as prose and poetry. afterward we critiqued and walked back through the sunny wind to a crowded patio under a cooling sun. eating chips and salsa, i felt as through my mind was coming undone. we talked about social justice, sex, comic books for kids and adults. describing plato’s cave wall shadows with expertise. alchemy in conversation. hoping to walk out of the cave and into the sun. back to my pad for more more more. ice cold lime water, third eye opening incense opening our visions and observations. never enough deep talk, zany talk, creative talk. one of the reasons i love men is how we can sustain talking about ideas and humanity versus our personal lives for long periods of time. though i did share stories about san francisco, again. i am on the polar opposite side of that me that wasn’t me, as i was trying to escape me back then and yet still i have no regrets about it even though it cost me twenty five thousand dollars of still, untouched debt. we talked about pokemon and pikachu: poking man and peak at you…you do the math. i see shadows. my heart is a wind storm alright. every way humans have been subjected into slavery and oppression by prejudice through the system, fills my heart with storm clouds and desire for the lightning flash to inspire new ways to contribute to liberation. one thing i know is; human rights take priority over systemic ideal following. by this i mean, i will vote pragmatically for the candidate that upholds laws of liberty over voting for a third party due to my idealistic beliefs because i want to preserve human rights being threatened right now, especially for minorities. oppression does not have time to wait and it is possible to create real change through direct action. a foundation is being built. creative ideas as paintings and comic books rise like a thermometer stick in my mind wanting the heat to push me into the movement of doing. i literally could talk my way into death it feels. i must pull away from others to produce. must i move away if i cannot say no to the rushing river of souls i continually want to spend time with? this is seattle summer. autumn will come and bring a more internal flow…trust.

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