dreaming the future to make a new myth…

i was supposed to go to lake chelan this weekend but plans changed. turns out my friend has a dog who growled, barked, and was very territorial with me, just like the dream i had a few nights ago. i tried to make nice after round one of aggression, but i was scared and anxiety poured out from my body. looking into his eyes reminded me of my child hood, looking into that crazy dog’s eyes we had and how soft they would be before attack. after the second attempt with more growling, i knew i couldn’t do it. once i gave a final no, the anxiety blossomed into full expression. tears and hyperventilation. i stayed conscious and knew it needed to work itself out of my system. my non-resistance allowed it to pass through within minutes. as this was all happening i remembered my dream about the aggressive yet cute dog, and how when i fell back asleep after the dream, wisdom’s voice told me to look for the feeling in real life and not to break the dream down symbolically. there it was, the feeling from the dream happening just as expected. not surprising, as i often know the future before it arrives due to dreams or tarot. and yet very surprising because of the literalness of the future’s arrival. usually the feeling is wrapped around a different story, when it is predicted in cards or dreams. my friend and i exchanged “i am sorry”to each other over and over as we allowed the disappointment to sink in that the trip wasn’t happening. i did not feel guilty for not being the type of person to handle an aggressive dog for the weekend, some people totally could have. i also gave a clear no to going and when i did, felt the little girl inside of me trust me more. i thought of my dream two nights ago, the one where i am befriending the eight year old girl. clarity. i needed to give a clear “no” to a dangerous moment (in her eyes) to prove to her i will protect us. in another language, my cells are being retrained, messy as it can be. metaphor is the way the cells talk to the mind. i am learning how to be sovereign. the theme continues. my new myth so far contains a dog and an eight year old girl. what is happening is big cause my moontime came back in the middle of the night last night after three days of being done. this has never happened to me before. deep transformation is at work, being played out in the mundane physical. i pulled a few cards for my friend and i to see what the deal was. looks like we both are undergoing deep transformation over the weekend. there is a reason for not going. i thought i would be sitting in a river under a hot sun today, living the life of leisure. now i am not sure what. i still feel strange physically after the anxiety attack. even though it only lasted a matter of minutes, i hadn’t had one in so many years…i don’t know how long, over a decade? it’s intense to go through it, but not scary. all that happens is crying, hyperventilation, and shaking in the body. it’s just a storm. fear ignites the storm. danger is a part of being human. i accept this realm’s shadow and light today. the journey continues…i am playing the long game.

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