lotus callouses and unity…

hello saturday. what a weird week. not falling asleep till one am most nights. feeling hyper, fiery, manic, edgy, and then completely fatigued. the energy currents are a lot to handle. i don’t know what i feel like writing about. love. i met with a couple who inspires me yesterday afternoon. soul partnership is so different than plain ole animal mating where attraction is shallow and partnering habitual. two independent spirits who find each other in a time in life where they have both worked through a ton of their stuff and have amazing communication, this is inspiring. attraction that is felt and mutual in the essence is inspiring. i feel really hopeful again. i was not losing hope per se, but more just feeling like flat soda. i am excited for the journey of partnership coming into my life! i feel excited about making a home too. if the world allows for all this. if it all doesn’t come crumbling. i remain flexible to the tides, got pluto my side and knees that have built lotus callouses. was thinking on my way toward sleep last night that if i died right now in life, i would be ok with it. there is a peace in my heart for the quick ride of flesh life. the sky is latte foamed this morning. pretty sure i am heading to olympia to go to a party to see a cohort friend’s band play. road trip and fun adventure. i have never been to olympia either. many conversations about school yesterday. found myself talking about why i am there. for very pragmatic reasons. accepting the pragmatic path and seeing entrance into the system as an important journey for mastery of self, not something bad. what better way to master oneness than to come out of my bubble and enter places where my mind wants to create separation. mastering aversion. how much i have learned about the way a being will contract and separate when aversion is strong. mastery means not to contract and separate. can somebody as empathic and sensitive as me not contract from or take in the suffering of others when i am in my internship, in agencies, in the system? i will find out. i can do it with clients in a spiritual setting as i have done the past twenty years, but only the past five or so have i learned to not take their stuff into me. how to not lose myself. this is the learning. maybe i am meant to not enter so much challenge? if so i will find a way not to that is not the old way. i am being cryptic. fear and doubt course through when i enter the mind, so i am gonna get out of the head now. i do trust life. i trust life to be the life i am meant to live. meant to be means unity, i feel this unity. my one and only criteria. unity.

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