from the duck taped moment to humanity…

yesterday i ducked taped my couch in colors of red, gold, purple, and blue. i was on the hunt for a sealant perhaps. some way to to make my couch last longer. it’s fake leather and after five years, shedding like mad. had a cover over it for a long time that was driving me mad too. the cover always fell. in the hardware store the clerk mentioned the duck tape idea and i went for it. they only had two rolls of red, hence needing to use other colors. now, it’s an eccentric old lady couch and i love her! i am not much of a materialist, but when i get attached, i tend to anthropomorphize. though i also think sentience can birth in anything. my couch is alive and she has listened to countless stories and been seat to many friends, lovers, and solitude sessions staring into the blazing or foamy sky. i can’t just get rid of her. she needs a honorable aging period, followed by an elegant death. i also feel really excited because i thought the resourceful bohemian aspect of me was dead. nope. i think that only happens when you get used to a higher material level of living, not with age. if i got used to quality furniture maybe it would be hard to return to duck taped fake leather factory made stuff the same way i can no longer eat fast food. but since i am still hanging out on the same rung of the ladder i know nothing else. the bohemian makes being poor romantic and it works for me. often times i don’t feel poor at all. i feel grateful and amazed that i have running water, a working toilet, and a kitchen. i feel blessed to live in my own apartment. other times i focus on the dirty walls, dusty ceiling, and feel unhappy. all the lenses. each one is valid. yesterday my bohemian lens brought much joy. i adore my eccentric low brow wacky couch. i am happy. it was fun to do something crafty and d.i.y. too. i sweat profusely under the wind of the fan as i covered the cushions with determination and a steady hand trained from a lifetime of painting. this is what it means to be alive, i thought. doesn’t take much for me. the quality may not be in the material goods due to little money, but the quality shines in the way i live my moments. i want to remember yesterday. when i was all finished i sat on the couch and stared into the sky intimately feeling at home in my body on the planet. michelle, here you are in seattle on the hill, age forty three, sitting on your duck taped couch. blew me away. do you ever get like that? how did i wind up here? virginia feels so far away. my past is a different lifetime altogether. i live distinct chapters that make the the last chapter feel foreign. i know for sure a new chapter is beginning because i let go of my blue sparkling pig key chain. i have had that keychain for five years. it was a big deal to leave it in the bushes as a totem of change. gave me shivers. i feel it. new life is beckoning. what it will be i don’t know. i know the climate of this country is tense, violent, ignorant and unjust mixing with a bunch of very upset aware loving people trying to figure out how to effect change in the direction of justice, liberty, and fairness. i wont let the invisible war steal the beauty of my moments. i can be a voice along with others and also not let tyranny swallow me whole. we are all figuring out how to deal with what is happening. am i scared? hell yes. but i am getting more used to walking into the fire of fear. life is about the dynamic not the static. we are here to learn and experience every feeling, not obtain things and achieve status. we are verbs, not nouns. i woke up from the american dream a long time ago and understood that the bullet points i was told to win were irrelevant. doesn’t make it easier, but it is not supposed to be easy. those who hide their ignorance deep inside religion behind the voice of god, feel helpless. those who want to demonize the poor and hold on to their own money, are terrified of loss. fear is behind every hatred. the ignorance is not building, it has been among us all along, but now it is being brought into the light by the internet. the internet is the candle and the shadows are emerging. ok, enough for now…

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