integration monday…

another monday. time is going so fast i can hardly keep up. summer manic socializing is happening. every evening, plans with somebody different. last night a bbq for a visiting friend. no wonder saturday night i crashed out alone to television, i had socialized all day. it’s hard to get back to routine and practice after this weekend. extroversion has swallowed me up. this is my life long balancing act at work. when to say no and when to say yes. when to use force and when to go with the flow. discernment. i feel the need for solitude but have plans each evening for the week ahead. there’s a slight sense of anxiety. i am torn. i want both. solitude will come. mars is on top of my midheaven right now and i am supposed to be thrusting myself out there. besides, it is summer. i feel grateful to have such a large circle of friends from a variety of factions. my life is far from nuclear. sometimes i feel i could belong to the world completely like deva premal and mitten. always travel and have no home. oh who am i kidding? i can’t even have a one night sleep over without getting anxiety. i need to be a loner. i am both. i am a contradiction. i am two inside of one body. actually, i am three. the extrovert, the loner, and the starseed. an extrovert, a loner, and a starseed walk into a bar. the extrovert says, “hey everyone!” the introvert starts to feel anxious and wishes to leave. the starseed looks up at the ceiling fan and sees a galaxy full of planets talking to her. hm. not very funny. can all three aspects of me get along? inner integration leads to external balance. the extrovert says to the loner, “i will make sure we come home and night and wake up alone, ok?” the loner says,”thank you, i can handle that.” the starseed says,”make sure you take us writing and keep to the focus of the book though, don’t let other people’s strong energy and stories wear us out too much.” the extrovert says, “got it. i wont play healer and i wont let in the pain.” the loner says, “how are you gonna manage that?” the extrovert says, “simple. just keep putting me on the yoga and meditation mat, loner, and it wont happen energetically.” the loner replies, “got it. my role is to get us to our practice each day.” integration. speaking of getting on the mat…i feel resistant. took two days off and yesterday’s practice was not really much. it’s hard to go against the patterns of the psyche. i am gonna force myself. swim upstream. right now. here i go. bye blog.

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