loopy saturday morning…

weirdness. just weirdness. i feel weird. repeat. a lot of venting came out of me last night in the presence of a friend and it felt great to release, though it also seemed to release an esoteric myth about me that is dark and yucky. shadow lands arising to the surface of my being. rising in this country. rising in this world. i don’t want to talk too much about it. but then again, maybe i do. torn between two modalities of healing. one is to focus on the light, and the other is to feel the dark. both are vital. i am deeply in touch with how i feel bad inside. i know it’s not true or real, but i feel it on a deep level. i honor this feeling, ask it to speak and bring the feeling into my love. badness, what say you? i am punished in this life for messing everything up in a previous life. i am the cornerstone of failure. i did everything i was supposed to do and still caused other people pain. it’s my fault. i am to blame. i am in pain. what did you do, badness? i don’t really remember. i have been in a dark room for a very long time. come into the light, badness, here beneath my eyes in the cushion of my heart. ok, here i come. (a feeling of hematite, stone, lead, iron, cool and burning at the same time). there there, it’s ok badness, you can let go. (sobbing). love love love love love love love. all i need is love. all i need is love. all i need is love love love is all i need. i appear to be going a bit insane, but it’s really just an unraveling of the left brain. of habit tracking, solving, and making it perfect. of seeing life as something you can contain. release! on the outside all you see is a woman typing on the keys in the later portion of morning. nothing dramatic, it is all on the inside. i am thinking about joanna. i wonder where her soul is right now? i am feeling the worlds in the cells of my body. infinity, life, death, rebirth. we all have a direct connection to wisdom within. there is no hierarchy. you are wise and i am wise. i am you and you are me. we are the buddha’s eyes. we are love. remember.

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