i never wrote the nihilistic short story yesterday. met a friend for coffee instead and was happy to do so. the existential blues wore off after making essential oil blends for each planet with ruby at work. we got creative and that’s when inspiration returned. always does. my creative fire is on a low heat burn these days for whatever reason. tons of focus on spiritual practice and keeping the boat steady, socializing, and gaining deep insights. but mixing oils stoked the creativity. perhaps i am bored with painting and writing. craving a new creative outlet. or i am just being avoidant. whatever, who cares. (avoidance). discussing the pain of the horrors in the world after work. walking home through dirty smokey city streets. getting home and feeling wired. what did i dream? can’t recall but i smell the dreaming. something aint right. i am sniffing out a patsy in my energy field. what is this disturbance in the force? let it go. focus on joy says my elephant guide. ok. joy. one life to live. could go at any moment. appreciation. the rainy skies are back but i don’t mind. softness. tenderness. i feel so sensitive inside. i want to hug animals. venom too. kali. wanting to bite off the heads of the non-empathic ruining harmony for all. is this joy? you cannot steal it cruel people! bread and honey on the table. i dunno. that line came out with no thought. yes. lets do that. free flow. fly in the honey, today’s worldly symbol. leonard cohen craving. slow poetic deep night lost in time. seduction of the senses candle lit by indigo tresses. limelight poison pudding interrupting the divine. hashtagfuckthisshit. i dunno even how to swallow it. eminem and circles of testosterone trying to out-rap each other. pack mentality. we are animals. don’t try to talk reason to a crazy person. it’s not about who they are, it is about how they treat others. god an externalized creator up high. goddess the earth below making us be here for one time. we all die alone. donnie darko obsessions. to make a film better than that, can it be done? worship art forever. take every god off the throne. take down the hierarchy language. no more pyramids or ladders. spin me in the circle of infinity. on and on and on and on. timeless. speechless. ceaseless. dreaming. neptune. back down to earth and the routine. not today.