the return of mars softly…

yesterday was a big day. mars went direct. mercury went into cancer. feelings emerged from under rocks. it was the anniversary of a dear friend’s mother’s passing to the other side. my readings with clients were powerful and intense. i wanted stillness. i read books and sat in the sun before work while damian rested at home. he left this morning. another reunion come and gone. i feel his essence still with me as he travels back to michigan. the way he comforts me and protects. the laughter. the aversions. the wisdom. tarot cards. lessons. revelry. analyzing. parodying. we did not parody too much this time around. our souls are a bit weary i think. lots of growing in this stage of life. heaviness in the world penetrating the cells. introversion consuming space. our longing for romantic love. i will get to my practice this morning. my sanctuary. i feel really tired so it will be forced, but i know afterward i will feel better. the sky is once again latte foam that will burn off by one this afternoon. seattle can be bipolar. she is feeling her own versions of inner contrast. i feel mine. mostly beauty and inspiration on the inside. mundane lesson learning climb up the mountain on the outside. yet also on the outside, beauty in the form of friendships, crystals, cityscapes, vajra, family, cafes, roses, orchids, ladybugs, sparrows, doggies, kitties, cool outfits, soul essences wafting in and out of the door, music always, art always, and always a ton of love. there is also mundane on the inside (to balance out the forces). the thoughts go through their habitual motion. analyze, meditate, dream, fantasize, reflect, react, respond, repeat. taurus moon means don’t zoom out like i always wanna. stay in the animal body like a slow moose on a lazy afternoon. i will make my practice fun today. what is fun? letting the body move how it wants. emergence. facebook update: still off of it. getting healthier every day as a result. i realize, i cannot contain all of my friend’s stories. it’s too much. now that i contain only the stories i listen to from the human being in real life, there is much more space existing inside. this space calls out to activate what nourishes the soul. reading books is returning again as a craving and i am doing it more. that’s the thing. i need stories from books and people. i cannot have too many stories from people taking up all of my book story space. there is only so much room! i get overwhelmed easily i suppose. i am able to feel close to every person i love without the mental stories being filled in. i cannot handle the rat race, the information age, the fast pace, the productivity madness. no way. let me be slow, let me feel with less mental chatter, and let me detach. this is my way. if i disappoint, oh well. i feel energy strong like a shot of whiskey. each person has the capacity to get me drunk with their essence. i only want to drink the essences of those i love on a personal level even though i love all people on a transpersonal level. i cannot contain all the horrific stories. i honor the tragedies deeply, i just cannot take them in. i am ok with people who don’t know me on a personal level not digesting my tragedies too. i want to treat others as i seek to be treated. it’s hard being human. also it is beautiful. contrast. back to solitude until work when the sun emerges and life will carnival itself around me. i am a reflection of you. a moon being as anais calls it…

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