dames reunion…

dames is visiting me right now. reunion #3940. we have our ways about us. laughter is a constant. and we both share a certain moodiness that we are so good at understanding in each other. we also understand what each other needs. he needs afternoon resting. i need the toilet cover kept down. it’s total comfort. we compromise with grace. he is the gay man version of me. soulmates through time. currently he is staring out the window while i type. we are up early. he did not sleep well from being road weary and not in his own space. i took a sleeping pill and slept heavy till about 4 am…

before getting here he officiated a wedding and wrote the small and humble ceremony. as somebody who has also officiated numerous weddings, i understand how powerful it is to officiate. the sacredness of the act is palpable and gets into the bones. he shared with me what he wrote and it moved me to near tears. such a simple line. he said to each man, “will you love, protect, cherish, and keep (name) safe and warm? will you always support (name) in his endeavors, his dreams, and his life goals?” i love the part about keeping each other safe and warm. such a damian thing to understand about love. then he read the apache wedding vow:

“Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years. May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth. Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficulties and fear assail your relationship, as they threaten all relationships at one time or another, remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives — remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there. And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.”

love that wedding vow. i know that i wrote that i don’t believe in marriage, but i do believe in commitment ceremonies and sealing love in a sacred cauldron to grow within. i just don’t believe in the law being involved and the whole “death to us part” aspect. i mean, it would be great to spend a lifetime with one partner, i want that in my heart, but i don’t ever want me or him to be forced by a vow if the loves changes. and love does change. it’s perfectly natural for love to change, nothing is wrong with it. if love changes it is not a failure. i am a huge believer in trusting the transformation of love and not trying to pin it down and keep it what it is not. i have the ability to turn romantic love into friendship love. i have done it twice. i am all about the flow of authentic expression. all this being said, i am often a mental contradiction, nothing wrong with that either. if the man i am with wants to get married, i will marry him. if he is like me, we can have a commitment ceremony that checks in once a year, minus the law.

i feel sort of in a cauldron of weirdness right now with dames. like we are in some form of non-space. like i am out of time. a break from regular life. a vacation without going anywhere physical. the sun is warming the land. the heat is rising into my studio. my couch has eczema and is not comfortable for sleeping. i have a shabby provisions, but a lot of love. the morning moves slowly and thick like syrup. we drank a chocolate martini in the sun yesterday and it felt like we were falling in love with invisible men. we drew comics at barjot as i watched bees collect goods from purple flowers. we ate noodles and wandered the streets, both being instagram whores. it was fun. what happens from here, nobody knows…

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