love love love and….love….

i don’t feel like blogging. resistance. yesterday wore me out in a good way, but now i feel worn out. i want to connect inward and find stillness. received a tarot reading that said that the right guy for me might look like the pattern i am letting go of, but that i would know it is him by the good feelings. basically, mr. equal will present challenges that mirror the old pattern but really are not the old pattern. it’s a bit confusing. we shall see if it plays out this way. it was the reader’s read on the devil card and he’s been pretty spot on in the past. my read on the devil card…i can see lots of fear come up with intimacy. i can also see i am meant to be with a devilish man. me and pan forever! i can also see how life would choose to be mischievous by bringing love in a way that confuses me and i have to rely on the positive qualities to see that the old pattern is not presenting itself, even if it appears so. the old pattern: emotionally avoidant, defensive guys who project their stuff onto me and fear me. guys who avoid real intimacy whether they say they want it or don’t want it. guys stuck too much in their heads and don’t trust the heart. me feeling emotionally misunderstood and left out in the cold. me always having to learn the lesson of letting go versus having the experience of intimacy growing. let the new games begin. the old pattern is dead. true love is an art piece meant to be invented, not a static meant to be union written in the stars. twin flame is a santa claus idea. soul mates are those we have shared past lives with and have karma to work through for healing. and sex, don’t get me started. for me, sexual desire stems only from connection. i don’t want body parts or experiments. i don’t want to play like a little kid. i want to merge with his soul and rejuvenate our beings. i want passion, sensuality, and depth. often i feel i am swimming in a world of intimacy cravings alone. i don’t believe in marriage but i want mostly monogamy and long term commitment. i don’t believe in an absolute, but i do believe in wholeness. no man completes me, i am in possession of my own self, yet i crave closeness and partnership. perfection is an illusion i could care less about. my art piece is about good communication, powerful magnetism, dynamic connecting, friendship, and growing. i don’t want kids and i don’t need many things, so i choose more fun than heavy responsibilities. but life is also full of responsibility no matter what, and the connection i seek can handle any amount given to us and we each carry equal weight. tenacity and fortitude are on the plate. anyhow, it invigorates me to talk about love right now. feeling the worn-outness shift into a windy energy. humans, we are complex bunch. love is the bright side…

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