back home into chaos soup….

ok back home. spent a wonderful evening with a friend last night at his place on lake washington. the calmness of the water and peace of the evening reset my energy, sorrowful from leaving my family. i hardly slept cause i drank coffee at ten at night. yet i awoke at five thirty am filled with energy. i am taking a facebook cleanse, and let me tell you, i feel so much better vibrationally speaking. facebook has been draining my energy. due to not being on there first thing in the morning, i wound up doing my yoga practice not much longer after breakfast and discovered how awesome it feels to do that. a new routine. being at my friend’s house took me off my old routine. usually i am fixed about it, but due to the approaching mutable grand cross and neptune squaring saturn, i am feeling the intense need to let go of all rigidity. to decalcify my routine, my habits, my life. not in an extreme way, just moderately. i am allowing neptune to give me new dreams and to carry me on her piscean fins through life as if life was made of water. feels good. i chanted govinda to a daddy long leg crawling across the ceiling and felt the sweetness in the spider’s life. we talked about money issues on the platform. how i struggle with being open to receiving more money because i am deeply upset about the have and have-not world where the poor are real victims. he said to focus on abundance, not money. i think about deva premal and mitten or krishna das. the best i can do is to live my purpose and allow abundance in that way. it is my bodhisattva devotion that won’t allow me to focus on money for money’s sake, even if i want more because i am human too. finding a way to let go of resistance to abundance is the key and this lock is rooted in self worth. do i feel good enough yet? i think i do. it’s a step by step process. all i know is, it is about the group. i need to keep putting myself out there. join together. give. it’s all about giving. the lush joy i feel in my stomach when i say, “it is all about giving, ” is palpable. no longer able to be self concerned only, trying to make it or get some place for me. it is about us. the age of aquarius has fully seized my soul. now let me see what i am truly made of. forgive the falls. commit to the practice. accept the struggle. find ease in the frequency of love, which is fully abundant in this forty three year old heart i am beating in this life. sorrow is real for the orlando shooting. deep grief. when will humanity learn tolerance, kindness and empathy? many of us have it already. and then there are those who are intolerant fundamentalist types using religion as a scapegoat for their rage. or intolerant tortured types drowning in mental illness. i believe fundamentalism is an illness too. it is a culturally bred illness. people would not grow up hating types of people if they were not taught from a very young age that certain types of people are terrible or sinners. i also think about freud and his theory that all humans have a biological and psychological drive to destroy. there is that too. jung called it the shadow. it is real. this world is complex…

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