silence shadow roots…

i didn’t blog yesterday. a rarity. first day with family in virginia. i feel oh so quiet. everything conceptual, intellectual, abstract and mental in general, means nothing to me right now. i am experiencing some aversion to it actually. mental noise. aside from one keen insight about needing to integrate being able to receive in order to stop attracting takers. we talked about love a bit on facebook chat. i was reminded again that i really do love him and nobody can take that away from me. even if he does not love me, even if we hardly spent any physical time together. it was love for me and i let it go with grace because i want to attract love that gives. love is abundant and it’s all about letting go of love that is not equal. what is meant to be in my life will be in my life, what is not meant to be in my life wont be in my life. i feel this. one thing i love about virginia is the solidity of it. i feel rooted here. i feel safe. the east coast is where i experienced being anchored. in seattle i feel like i am living on a space ship. on the west coast i feel like i am living in the cosmos. here i am living like a rooted tree to the earth. this is a visceral experience for me. i get in touch with my bloodline self. the self that wants to ride horses, pick onions, plant gardens, drive my car up and down the coast. the self that does not speak very much but writes like crazy. the anne sexton part of me. the poet. places are powerful. they are ogres and allies. they are soulmates. i feel like driving around the country and taking pictures. i feel like loving america. not the mean spirited self centered ignorant wild west fundamentalist shadow america, though i must love her too and remember they know not what they do. or do they? ¬†nevertheless i realize writing this i only want to love america’s light side. which makes me realize i need to love my own shadow more. the part of me that is all about me me me that fails to see the viewpoints of others as valid. as within, so without. we are all one and i do love you. ok, back to silence. my sister and mom are watching the news. my dad is reading the paper. the dogs are buried under blankets. rain is lightly coming down…

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