meaning and nothingness playing ping-pong…

woah. intense dreams last night about my cohort. i feel disoriented. last night at work i was so ungrounded and my psychic channels were extremely wide open. i did not even need the cards. think it might be due to the kundalini yoga. it was a tad bit scary but not really. i know any changes in my consciousness wont be more than i can handle. i need to do some grounding exercises this morning. i still feel this way. i am in my body on the ground, but alongside i also feel like i am floating as a light in the cosmos. polarity. anyhow. not much to say. nothing to say really. i feel i feel i feel is all that wants to come out. i don’t want to revert to my usual writing at this point when i get this way, about cataclysm or intensity of any form. i am watching my mind and everyone’s mind meaning-make and not in the mood for it. taking the ride is what i am the mood for. i am detached from the outcome and detached from wishing or clinging. thank goddess i am going to eighties prom on friday and will be in portland. my friends there are so down to earth. portland always grounds me. to me, it is the shire. seattle is rivendale. dancing all night in the shire, what better way to get back into the third dimension. portland. what a strange year i lived there. my apartment burning down the second i moved into it from a friday the 13th prank. being on the news. wandering the streets alone, depressed. dating the young basketball player who wound up breaking my heart. moving to san francisco from there. what a strange year that was too. in school to get my masters in copywriting. living above a whisky bar and stepping over crack addicts to get anywhere. seeing the apple green parrots. breaking my ankle and finding out how loving a city of strangers can be. from there i went to new york city. that place grounded me. bagels and direct conversation. people everywhere. the classes smashed up against each other and the contrast sickening me. jogging through queens. walking over the hot pink williamsburg bridge and taking pictures. i miss new york. i dreamed about san francisco last night. maybe missoula too? missoula. a magical and lesson learning year. one of the most fun days snow shoeing and hot springing. places. the past. it’s all swirling together in my mind like dorothy’s tornado. either i am about to change or life as we know it is…i can tell by the way life is passing before my eyes. or perhaps i am meaning-making from the strangeness that will pass quietly just like everything else…

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