deluge it out and clear space for the vision…

i just watched a sad video showing beached dolphins filled with plastic and burst into tears. so much undue harm. feeling emotionally reactive. kali rises in the blood. she visits. wanting to slice away the wrong and the bad in protection of the good and the right. so black and white. when i see dying dolphins that’s what comes to mind. watching my own reactivity. definitely out of the void. mercury just went retrograde. time to reflect on communication. this is how it begins. i know emotional reactivity is not what brings positive change, but it is human. for how long must these feelings of sorrow and anger be suppressed while innocent beings suffer and die under the hand of those who disregard all life but their own? how do i concentrate on my own personal life in this hell realm? feeling dark. yesterday i engaged in an inspiring dialogue with one of my teachers that woke up my desire to focus on the vision of the future and be part of the collective of artists who commit to awakening the truth of who we are. and yet here i wake feeling broken by the world. i wish i had a group to go to right now for work, that was part of creating social change. i feel like i need the group. i don’t know anymore where i am supposed to place this body of mine to be of use on my own. i am so intimate that perhaps it remains helping to heal the healers. maybe i am supposed to comfort the dying. but i feel this other part wake up and i don’t know what to do with her. she is an advocate, storyteller, and one who receives vision. not supposed to help like a cancer south node 6. supposed to help like a capricorn north node, house 12.  i feel suddenly lost again. confused. in the chaos. this is what the school part is for, right?  yes, the artist as hero. yes, integration of art and healing. yes, we need the vision to piece us back together, to take the shattering and transform it into wholeness. i know it with every cell. passion rises in the bones like thrones of the strongest bright red will. and also i am filled with blue sorrow for the injustice this morning. this is all i know. red and blue. the temperance card. action step: being able to flow from polarity to polarity with grace and skill. need to write and paint to get myself back in the flow. feeling disconnected unless i am one on one with a client in the little back room. otherwise….floating. facing the disempowerment. i see you clearly, disempowerment. wont buy in to your story as you rise when inspiration tries to remove you from my soul’s hard drive. hello dark lord thinking you have me and that you broke me. guess what, you didn’t. you are not even real. you won’t shake my gaze with your delusional appeal. tenacity is on my side, and light that can swallow the darkness like a hungry whale. the trick is to keep steady through each emotional reaction. the key is watch without investment, these stories that take down the spirit. the knowing is to uplift and repair. five planets in retrograde right now. deep review. deep understanding. time to wash that dark lord right out of my hair. i have “sunday bloody sunday” by u2 ringing through my brain. i feel lonely to be doing what i am called to do in a way i cannot explain because you would say, “you are already doing it.” watching the feelings. about to do kundalini yoga, my new obsession. this will restore me. my breath is who i am, and she lives beyond black and white ping pong matches. my breath is pragmatic and visionary, knowing exactly how to move up the tree of life and back down to the ground with the next tool and vision needed. calm down scared little one. breathe and keep walking. cry out the tears for the dolphins and the snowballed injustice.  i am on your side, the soul of venus…

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