neptune creeping in…

woke up earlier than usual but it’s a good thing, i need to get a lot done today. yesterday was a social day in west seattle. the light rail makes getting there so easy. i am still reveling in what a difference it makes to be able to get downtown in two minutes to catch a connector. this full moon has me spilling out my shadow. specially last night. it’s interesting that when she asked about my absoluteness with my beliefs, in terms of how i relate to others…how i could care less whether others believe what i believe, and yet i do feel this tension for the truth that i know inside to be validated. it feels like we are all sitting in plato’s cave wall still, discussing shadows. to me, beliefs are shadows. what i know to be true beyond beliefs is more of a feeling. i know the universe is sentient. i know there are many invisible beings of many different kinds. i know aliens are involved in our evolution. i remember a lot. the beliefs are more about the details of the story. i seek the truth like moulder, but i also am only here to put it in fiction and not try to expose anything. my passion is big. my knowing is big. my beliefs are just wet laundry drying in the wind. i don’t want to convince anybody of anything. i don’t want to argue about beliefs. i cannot take away your version of reality and you cannot take away mine. it’s quite insane really. i don’t care about being right but i do wish my reality was validated more. i live mostly in secret. i don’t speak up for fear of judgement. my way of receiving information itself, is considered flawed. this world will mirror to me conflict time and time again. but i have to be strong. i am the only one who can believe in me. and again, it’s more than a belief. it’s a knowing only i can protect. skully will always be there to question me but she cannot change my fervor and inner knowing. this lifetime it wont be taken away from me because i am not trying to possess it. this lifetime is to have compassion for all that is exactly the way it is. i know i am being cryptic. it’s the best i can be right now. this is what the full moon is bringing out in me. the intensity surrounding what i know to be true. neptune. pluto. the universal drama. i can surely tell that this passion is fleeting. it might even be stemming from lack of touch, i am getting used to it again but it does transmute into too much fervor. i can tell when the passions bloat too intensely when i feel myself gripping. we all grip to what we are fearful of losing. inside i am still scared to lose. but the thing is, there is nothing to hold on to. the real truth is alive and will reveal herself in her own sweet time. i am only a messenger. i am only a curious seeker. i am only a connector. a catalyst. i am not truth itself which can only be understood zoomed out and looking at the entire family system. the human race. the galaxy. perception from various dimensions. the unseen. i can zoom out and see, but still, when i bring it back down, i bring it back through me. through my lens. my lens by innate design, turns it into belief or a work of art. pick one. i choose a work of art. anyhow, what the hell, neptune?

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