i watched purple rain last night alone while drinking a glass of purple wine. when the full moon hit exact i paused the movie, opened my blinds, talked to the moon and felt his spirit. his spirit felt free. still not very many feelings coming out of me. a few tears here and there. i thought the full moon would bring on the flood of emotion. nope. my body feels tired but i feel emotionally much like a calm clear lake. i feel aligned. thinking about my mortality and how i got to this moment. how much of my time is spent in solitude in deep moments and how much i treasure this, and yet feel the call for partnership too. how i stare out at city buildings and talk to them, the same way i stared out into the sea in another life. i look far to look within. i seek understanding. finding out prince also had his north node in the twelfth house and jupiter in eleven. i feel kindred to his essence in many ways. i feel kindred to his androgyny, creativity, spirituality. he comforts me now that he has passed on. i feel him not having left here yet. he wants to look over, watch out for, protect. i want to get this book on jung and tarot today, it’s expensive, but i need it. i know it is time for me to make my own deck. i also need to fix my friggen brain so it can organize this large project. my brain feels like it’s in the shop. i need a mechanic to get under the hood and see why i am so scattered. i keep doing everything to help but so far, my usual focus that i once felt, is gone. dandelion fuzz to the wind. this makes me feel sad. something is percolating in the shadows. another take-down perhaps. i am becoming a master at smelling self-sabotage before it manifests into the physical. my tenacity cannot me matched. you won’t win, dark lord, old kingdom. at the same time, i commend your crafty tactics. the shadow is smart. the light learns to be smart once it dumps itself into the shadow through numerous falls and realizes that life here is not static and eternal, but fluid and binary. the light must learn how to play here. anyhow…magician pontificating. haven’t been creative in weeks. in the blue phase of this body, where awareness is clear, but creative action is low. gotta move into the red soon. i know how this body rolls. prince was purple cause he knew how to mix red and blue. i am learning too. purple forever.