heart rising into the sun tuesday…

intense dreams. magical crystals. superhero powers. walking in the park fast, trying to remember the ground. lucid dream life. tornado consciousness. all over the map and stars and universe. key words instead of sentences. kaleidoscope instead of the mundane. every tiny spec of sand is a trip and there is no normal way to be. how we try to pin down one reality is a game. how i seek to get things from the external world to provide a feeling inside is a power struggle i see so clearly this morning that it no longer makes sense to who i am. death will bring me past this place and what will matter at that point will be the exact quality of how i loved myself and others, what i was able to bring through from the veiled worlds into this one, and what i was able to record from this realm for the realm that hired me to write it down, behind the veil. nothing else. not marriage or owning a home or wearing nice clothes or eating expensive meals or how good i looked or how thin i became or how strong the muscles got or how advanced the yoga poses or the specific letters after my name or how i could keep wrinkles away or anything along these very thin lines. so in touch this morning it blows me away. blows the old me away. blows the old me away like dandelion fuzz. i am a child and a wise elder rolled into one bursting through a bloodline filled with karmic stuff. how to hold onto this knowing-feeling through one body-skin that is temperamental needing strong protection from those who would try to pin down my nature and make me forget? presence. occupying this space with my soul. that is all. simple and sweet. sweetsweat72. bugs love me and i love bugs but sometimes i don’t want my blood sucked or skin bit. i don’t want this place to be the pit stop i am here till death. other times i hope to never leave as i bite into death and it tastes good. whatever the experience may be, it is mine. i own it and i am me, a limited edition temporal flash in the reality, here then gone, an illusion, a sad and happy song blended into one. i love feelings and reason, the snake and the hawk, the ant and the bean stalk. love it all. tagging with chalk, “freedom is to be here then gone…not forever.”

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