the new moon passed during the night, hence the reason i kept waking up. intense dreaming about being left out and missing out. the wave of romantic love coursing through the bright blue rivers of my blood is subsiding and becoming another song. still emotional. what is this feeling? i ordered a K2 stone from an Etsy shop i received yesterday and wore it over my heart at work. with every client i delved much deeper. so deep i was inside their psyche. it wound up draining me to go that deep and yet i loved going that deep (must learn new self care technique for this level of deep sea diving). felt exciting to be next to the client, side by side in their underworld. this feeling of excitement swallowed up my longing. it fulfilled me. fulfillment is real. the craving for depth has now taken over, but it’s not a craving, it’s happening. i feel so intimate with the present moment. i know that sounds odd. is there a better way to explain it? i am feeling all the layers of each moment, not just what the five senses gives me information about. yes on smell, touch, sound, taste, sight being filled with information about reality. but also inner sight, inner vision, inner love, and a feeling of endless expansion giving me information about reality. mostly, a feeling of creativity informs me. each moment is so fucking creative! so alive! the aliveness is a wild beast, wild angel, a wild wind storm, a wild laughter. i am the rider of the storm. hahaha. jim morrison, i get it. you used drugs to get and stay there. i use crystals and intention. my way is much less destructive, yet we are feeling the same aspect of living, i believe. if everybody felt this feeling there would be a desire for peace because we would all rather be exploring than fighting. fighting limits the expansiveness of life. it flattens the endless creative living matrix of possibilities into a dull beige sugary pancake. yuck. aversion city. i wish i could awaken every human heart. i don’t have the power. only have the power to open my own heart and be a conduit to help others awaken theirs. surrendering control. i can only pilot my own life. smelling patchouli, ylang ylang and vanilla on my skin. yum. attraction. the beauty of this planet. the delight of the senses. all thirteen of them. happy new moon.