mutterings from monday morn…

another sunny morning. good morning to get all the monday chores done. yesterday was a quintessential sunday. met a friend for coffee at barjot and we talked it all out. then walked down into the guts of south lake union. found a random quaint little sandwich shop to grab lunch in, feeling like a tourist in my own town. wandered into good will and found green sunglasses. a boon! walked to the water and sat on the dock until a mentally ill man sat near me and i wasn’t in the mood to begin any form of dialogue. wandered into a cafe with open walls to the outside world and a big comfy chair to plop in. tried to read a school book that annoyed the crap out of me with judgements about marriages staying together being better and scientific research proving points about what makes a marriage last. the things being proven seemed so obvious to me, but i forget the age we live in, where mutual respect, deep listening, and non-judgmental communication are still considered ground breaking topics of concern. i have a sarcastic bite to me this morning i realize. why? don’t need to know why. moving on. walked home and took a long shower. spent the evening watching you tube videos on child schizophrenia and balanced it out with the show “louis” afterward. crashed hard. the internal imprint looks like: becoming presidents of emptiness, taking the fat kid on a field trip, metaphorical lollipops, feeling the calling to work at hospice viscerally as an ache in the chest, wanting it to be real and afraid it is not real like the the fear i feel when i crush on a man, mischievous smiling for loving my place in the firmament, underworld home decorating, water longing, impetus to dive right in and lose sanity, listening to a first date convo behind me thinking-she is all about herself and he is all about her and how off balance their relationship will be if they get in one, thinking about balance and how much i am a fan of it, the sun giving me inside info about earth, analyzing the color green, feeling serene, slow, in a universe all my own, thankful for the space and luxury of time, for solitude and conversations with the divine as sun and breet, thankful for spinach and chocolate, lemon water, ylang ylang, and two working feet, deep exhaling at dusk in pajamas early, wholesome embodied presence, languid movement into night fall until eyes could not stay open and the subconscious called, sleep. and now it is monday morning again, here i go…

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