tao guide the way….

yesterday the numbness was lifted by tears needing release. turns out i was still feeling sad and vulnerable but trying not to. when i gave in and allowed myself to just be where i am at, all was ok. met a fellow student for a study session and we talked a lot about family systems stuff. friggen love family systems theory. went to work after and stayed busy in the first part of the day, seeing myself reflected in clients, giving my own story space. comfort ate a large container of soup. when i feel really sad, soup is the healer. potato leak. got home and i reveled in the finding of the prayer wheel again. fell to sleep that way. intense dreaming ensued. more tonight on the eleven o’clock news. just kidding. a regular a vajra was reading our vedic north nodes, quite different than western astrology. in vedic i have a sag. north node, and i am a libra with a virgo moon and capricorn rising. it’s like, in india i am completely different person. sometimes i want to ditch astrology all together. i feel over it sometimes. reinvention. i don’t have much to say still. this whole week has been strange. large appetite, little words, small thoughts, sad heart. i hope i don’t gain weight. petty worry. first world concern. and yet the veins of these thoughts lead to scary places, when i was real good at avoiding. an older version. i know exactly where i am at. when i start losing strength and my humanity takes over. gonna try something different this time. instead of trying to be strong and conquer, i am going to fully accept the weakness. i am gonna be like the tao. i am gonna do nothing and fully relax, fully allow. will report back with results tomorrow…

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