aqua sky this morning. i am drinking it up, thirsty for a break from the cold rain and up and down moods. i guess i was on the news last night, pulling one for the team. the prayer wheel’s rebirth making vajra locally famous. darkness led back to the light once again. i recall the last time i was on the news, when my apartment building burned down in portland on friday the 13th, one minute after i finished moving into it. little did i know portland was speaking to me, “you cannot stay here.” i would move to san francisco, new york city, and back to seattle. now i feel so in love with washington, i cannot imagine living anywhere else. well, except norway, amsterdam, new york city again, the florida keys maybe, perhaps california, so many places actually. actually, if i had the money, i would keep moving around a lot and live like an eccentric. or not, i don’t know. who cares. this week i have very little on my mind, very little inspiration, very little in general. i feel like i am emptying out. i feel lost in my own world of nothingness. i have school work to be accomplished but cannot seem to focus. could be reading a bunch but i am not doing it. my soul is hungering for touch in a way that feels akin to breathing. and i am not talking hugs from friends which i don’t fee like doing at all. the sadness of yesterday burned off like dew by afternoon, but what’s left is not much to speak of. oh well. sometimes dullness replaces strong feelings i guess. not sure. not sure what i am avoiding or if i need to think about. i don’t. i’ll force myself on a jog instead and then keep showing up for people till bed. this is what it’s like today, not being dead.