once again, the sickness is trying to seize me. no! vitamin c, schisandra berry, golden seal, water, rest. go away! bad bad dreams all night. been in this ocean deep such a long time. unable to make my feelings go away through reframes and emotional manipulation. that stuff does not work on me. NLP never worked, nor did hypnosis. i simply cannot tell myself to not feel what i feel. that feels like an oppression story. to serve the divine feminine right to feel, i allow myself to feel the feeling all the way through. i’ve learned how to use the tools so that i don’t dwell or get stuck, or project my feelings onto others. but it’s still a challenge dealing with others in this culture because this culture places value on the smile, happiness and light heartedness. while still judging sorrow and the deep heart. oh well. my achilles heal, sensitivity to judgement from others. calling out the weakness. in other news, we watched the oscars last night. boring. i don’t care. got annoyed by how all the men wear cookie cutter suits and the women dress like christmas presents. oh does that chafe me. aversion city! rebellion overload! the desire to innovate gender expression is strong. i like wearing dresses and looking pretty, i am not saying it is wrong. i don’t have the answers. i reveal feelings and reflect is all, on this topic anyhow. the men at the oscars look like penguins and the women look like christmas presents. bird and object. quack quack, look at the doll. blah blah blah. in gratitude news, i am almost done with this vegas visit, a hideaway retreat to write, read, spend time with my parents. thankful for their love and generosity. the clean peaceful home two virgos make. joey the cat. walks in the sunshine. bunnies. the show shameless. reading on the back patio. i will miss my folks when i leave, and i look forward to getting back home to seattle. my subconscious is unsettled. need to give this heart heaviness to a tree. i don’t think it’s sadness, more like anxiety. because of the problems in the this country and world rising, my family going through ailments that hurt, my own things, and an intuition about how much will change this year, so hold on through the tornado.