saturn-day blog…

what’s so interesting is what i thought, versus what is happening.  i thought i was going to grad school to become a licensed counselor, and i still am doing that, but what i did know what that i was answering a call to journey into the underworld…again.  maybe i was pompous, cause i have done this work for so many years, i thought there was nothing left to do.  what a load.  now i understand, that this might be the first time i am healthy enough to do this work without digging myself out of some hole to begin with.  the journey is entirely different this time.  with more awareness comes more understanding.  even if in the end, all is relative, subjective…just a story….i value the story.  i value this work.  i value individuation, and it is our stories which define us.  the healing work we do to clean the mirror of the heart, is what is repairing the collective of humanity.  the more i heal myself, the more i heal the world.  it’s not just my happiness that matters, it’s getting to the point where human lives are no longer disposable.  precious value for each life.   where human lives are no longer pawns to giant belief system institutions that shackle and perpetrate enslavement.  it’s too big to talk about here in this tiny blog.  my heart is exploding with the domino effect.  for two days i’ve been steeping in feelings and fatigue and stories and mysteries of the bloodline  for two days the upperworld waves to me sweetly.  maybe tonight i can take a break and have some fun in the underworld masquerade ball.  i need a little fun.  when i think about fun, i see all shades of violet, smell vanilla, taste richness like cream and honey, think of cleopatra on her barge bathed in essential oils, wearing lapis and carnelian, indulging the night in between the intense work she was always engaged in.  intense work.  some people are more serious than others.  nothing wrong with it.  nothing wrong with me.  as my teacher says, no design flaw.  the sky is silky swan grey this morning, softly petting the buildings, who stare back at me quietly, containing secrets.  a plane flies over them, blinking his red light, making the only sound other than the churning of the electric heater…