i don’t know and it feels good. i did not know i was craving to not know till i did not know, and it feels relieving. i wanted my cup emptied. i wanted to feel space and vastness in my brain, not a filled bucket of words and ideas that have spouted themselves into flat soda. i guess when it comes down to it, i get sick of ideas and crave new ones. i don’t hold onto them for life. the life long hold onto thing, is given to one thing only: love. everything else comes and goes, transforms, births, dies, etc. this is why creativity is my religion and love is my spirituality. simple. the complex ideas are fun to dream up, talk about, embrace, argue about…but they don’t hold weight in truth, for me. maybe this is why dr suess is a spiritual teacher for me. and maharaji, who taught only love and pours through the voice of krishna das. it’s interesting how my last week in school, changed me on a physical level. all of my ideas were stripped of their glamour. the moment became reality in such a way, that the ideas seemed like nothing more than clothes hanging out to dry in a corn field. everything is sacred. this sip of liquid, this typed word, these fingers, this green light bulb. when it is no more, i will live inside hearts, nebulas, aliens, crystals, and much much more. the multiplicity. not just up and down. not just black and white. not just this or that. and both. and more. and growing. and dying. burning tibetan incense. feeling so physically perceptive that i wonder if my brain ought not be better fit for a cheetah? can taste metal in the water. can hear machines in the voices on the radio. shit. i need to paint. being alive is intense.