i am writing a second blog today, because i can. my soul felt hungry all week to blog, and now i indulge just a bit. so many thoughts to spew. which ones are the thoughts to make it through? how about….realizing after five years that i had my dish drying rack on the wrong side of the sink. i kept it right under the prosperity corner, while keeping my britta pitcher on the other side. all i have to say is…duh. but not duh. the deeper truth is, that until you get to a certain awareness inside, you literally cannot see clearly outside, in the world. by you, i mean me…and maybe us. i also know the truth outside can change the inside too, when a person is strong enough to get through the mucoid mind. anyhow, i put the water i drink every day under my prosperity alter, and my dish drying rack by the garbage can. balance is restored. and now everything will change!!! just kidding. sort of. i am feeling imbolc strong tonight. i cleaned my apartment both physically and energetically, burning tibetan incense, dusting, swiffering (so satisfying). boring. something interesting happened today. i read for a client, and noticed subtle differences in how i communicated, after finishing my first educational conference at saybrook. i asked her how a story made her feel, pin-pointing the emotion. i then took the feeling she noted, and gave it to the universe, who then gave me information about her family of origin, and visions of what she might want to do, to heal herself through the use of ritual, because that is what works for her best. i noticed that it was my teachings this past week that influenced me to go about her reading in a more full bodied, organic, client-centered way, and i felt so happy. the two worlds of reading and therapy are serving one another already. i’m feeling myself grow into a being a happy healer. the reluctance is shedding from me, after a lifetime of it being my second skin. it’s the dark night of the soul come back to the light. did the overlord really turn into a fly and fly back the underworld he came from? i think so. can he return? sure thing. everything is in flux all the time. i am humbled like a grape about it. i wont grasp this feeling of joy like trying to capture a butterfly. but i will follow it like calvin in a comic, until something else seizes my presence. i also know there’s an opportunity to merge shadow and light into one another, making both disappear, but i am not there yet. for now, it’s still equanimity through the changes. back down to the ground. the kind man who came into the store today, he clearly needed help and wasn’t getting it. fuck. nobody should be forgotten like that. the sadness i feel for him, he probably is unaware of in his own heart. i want to protect him. but on the outside, you only saw a quiet woman taking in his energy. the laws need to change to make the wrong things right. to give justice to the meek. i don’t mean to sound like jesus, but he was spot on when he said the meek shall inherit the earth. to me, this means bringing power back to ordinary people. it’s like frodo saving the world. thing is, nobody is going to be saved. the meek will inherit the earth by healing and gaining enough self worth to come together and not allow the abuse to continue. just like we are called to do in our personal lives. if we don’t heal ourselves, nobody will. it’s very mundane, and it takes a long time. but it works and i find it beautiful in the same way the mud ball becomes the pearl over time. i know claiming to know anything doesn’t transcend beyond my personal belief and experience. no more threats and empty promises. no biggie. i live for what i care about, falling down along the way. that sounds cheesy. greeting card cheesy. here’s another one: each moment is fragile, but the essence cannot be destroyed. that’s the kind of birthday greeting i’d like to receive. finis. these thoughts tonight are made of turquoise….