currently in my cohort for school, so no time to write in the morning. really tired from a long day, but want to stay true to my practice. at least this one. right now i am in absorbing mode. many new faces, stories, work, learnings, and an entirely new undertaking. i feel a bit like a deer in headlights, but also i feel calm, with not much emotion coursing through me at all, surprisingly. maybe it’s the exhaustion from not sleeping a wink last night. perhaps there’s a touch of resistance, a bit of the ole run and avoid. it’s always deep and never logical. i learned something today about attachment theory and how fear waves got created, which sorta blew my mind. it was not part of the curriculum, but brought to me by a fellow student. got a small hankering for developmental psychology happening in this ole brain of mine. i don’t know how the new callings will take shape. i keep seeing performance poetry in my mind. perhaps a new creative outlet will emerge from school. poetry in motion. catharsis through the creative process. coming out of the hermitage is what’s happening too. been in it for almost six months now. the desire for silence is strong. i truly am in introvert, just a personable one. i dunno. this and that. labels and such. all i wanna do is watch the screen, unwind and go to bed. i am a mud ball becoming the pearl.