recognizing growth on sunday….

the sun is out again, how lucky are we?  every other day this week!  another morning jog will be happening and so i must rush through this blog, before the sun slips away.  learning a lot right now about relationships.  i feel my true nature in what i seek with partnership, and i also see an ability to allow for what i do not seek to find space in my life, because there are positive offerings that are meant to be temporary and unlabeled.  i can enjoy passing influences that are not meant to be permanent fixtures.  i am seeing also, that who i am is becoming more whole.  if a part of what i seek is missing in another, a part of me is shut off inside.  the insecurity i once felt, that sought after unavailable men to reject me, so i could keep giving evidence to the insecurity, is not happening anymore.  i don’t feel the insecurity flaring up when given the opportunity.  unavailability causes me to not want what is not able to happen.  a literal interpretation.  i realize that to respond to others in a literal way, is to be free of insecurity within that twists the literal into mazes of delusion and deception.  through contrast too, i am learning.  about how my desire for union is rooted in devotion, a certain seriousness and emotional maturity, where it is just about the two of us for however long it is.  i feel my personal fingerprint of romantic love inside.  it’s a temperament and genuine calling.  like…i have been there, done that, bought the t-shirt with all other forms of intimacy, other than my true calling.  i still am open to these other forms, and i am peace with what i want.  the men who come along, who offer something different, are not getting trapped in any spider webs of insecurity inside, where i need to possess their love, or turn them into what i seek in order to feed the spider.  there is no more spider.  i can take at face value what is being offered.  this is immense growth for me.  the true calling will arrive when he arrives.  it’s not in my control.  in the meantime, i am open to what life brings to me, when it serves love in any way.  there are so many ways to love.  pragmatism rules the house of love these days.  but pragmatism can only rule when the insecurities fall away, and the karmic hooks release.  i am not saying i am perfect, only that i see the fruits of labor presented in me, and i am recognizing accomplishment.  this is what i celebrate on sunday’s first leo full moon phase day.  honoring my individual expression for partnership, while honoring everybody else’s too.  i get to be me and you get to be you.