the initial spark of the seed…

the moon is in cancer and it’s a dark rainy outside.  this is the first day, after doing the morning’s tasks, i can let go of tasking.  now that the practical is taken care of, i may also let go of the past 20 years of my life, where i lived in a certain mode, i shall put to rest inside cancer’s moon.  the artist is set free from worldly pressure, and the bohemian is evaporating like dew off a lotus petal.  i wish to bask in softness today.  do a mellow yoga practice.  daydream a bit.  talk to mother earth.  wear moonstone.  listen to silence.  life is changing quickly right now, inside and out.  feels so different.  i’ve returned to pragmatism, like how i began, being inspired by emerson, in high school.  going back to graduate school is also a full circle journey of sorts.  my roots grow circles.  one new move the soul makes, changes an entire life and the lives near it.  i did not realize how fearful of time i felt, until i made this current choice.  making choices moves time.  when you dwell in uncertainty and ambiguity, you can slow time down and create space internally, allowing for perceptual stillness.  it’s a strong urge in me to do this at times.  to take moments, days, months, sometimes years, to match my heart beat with that of human life.  i move much slower.  don’t like fast cars, fast rides, fast walking, fast exercise.  though when things happen fast, i can jump in and go with it.  such as this program i am doing.  i also think fast and love fast.  the balance, always.  sometimes it is fast, sometimes it is slow.  the rain today feels like spring rain.  although winter’s cold dominates, a refreshing balmy breeze can be felt, reminding me of imbolc coming in a few weeks.  the swell of a pregnant seed getting its first impulse to rise toward the sun.  these weeks that precede the first impulse of spring, always excite my senses…