dark, light, neutral, mirrors…

hilarious dreams last night involving the dark and light, stars wars style, but put into my life.  alarm went off and the first thing i did was chuckle.  finally the moon moved into gemini, out of heavy magnetic taurus.  i no longer feel like a stone.  this week will determine much.  in the history of weeks, it’s a big one.  maybe that’s why, yesterday, all i could do was jog it off, then walk it off, in a mental haze, with the body in continual movement, until all that was left was a stoic being on the couch, watching a psychology lecture about the nature of malevolence.  jordan peterson, the teacher, cutting through my naive optimistic desire for the nature of all humans to be good, and all evil stemming from the oppression of institutions.  a large part of what is terrible about humans stems from conditioning, but i must remember nature is variety.  nature creates the variety.  both shadow and light stem from the same core of loving existence, even though they polarize into growth and destruction…and among humans, into the concepts of benevolence and malevolence.  this just solidifies more, that i am thinker rooted in nature’s processes.  accepting malevolence as a part of nature, might make you think i don’t want to hold people who commit bad things, accountable.  not true.  the pondering of nature being both shadow and light within all of life at the root….and how to hold those accountable, who do bad things to others, are two separate topics.  holding somebody accountable by calling them bad is not really doing a good job of it, anyway.  you can have love, acceptance, and forgiveness for what is bad, and still hold people accountable.  i have practiced this within my own life, toward those who did very bad things to me.  i usually dive into the explanation of sickness being the root of badness, stemming from growing up with abuse, as well as the institutionalized world.  but the mention of aggression among chimps really drove the point home in my heart, last night, listening to j.p’s lecture, sweeping out any remnants of naiveté that all badness is conditioned.  there is an aspect of badness, that is also natural among biological life too.  i hold many truths.  the existential truth is to accept both dark and light in nature, in humans, and deal with the emotional consequences.  the pragmatic truth is coming up with ways to achieve balance, in order to find equanimity in my own mind, which was what my dream was about last night.  me coming from the extreme light.  and this man i wanted, coming from the extreme shadow. classic tale.  there were the neutrals in my dream, who made sure the dark and light kept communicating with one another.  the insight was to come more to the middle.  how funny is that?  to leave the extreme light and find my way to a grey area.  it’s very much buddha nature.  the man i desire, being extreme on the other side, shows me how i find balance through challenging attractions, by having the polarity highlighted.  for as polarized as you are, you will draw your mirror to you.  true that.