tales of alchemy…

learning from another perspective of the temperance card in the tarot this week.  i relate to this card, through the buddhist practice of having an equanimous mind.  this is achieved through my yoga practice, which over time, gives me the ability to be witness to the ups and downs, healings and transformations of my inner self.  the pagan aspect of the temperance card focuses on the process of forging, turning lead into gold, the combination of spirit and body churning pain into growth, crisis into balance, alchemy.  this perspective was fleshed out beautifully to me by some friends, a few nights ago.  i have been living it this week, through making a commitment to school and initiating the alchemical tumultuousness of the temperance card.  parts of my creature self, old deep wounds, have gotten triggered, allowing pain to emerge in its raw ugly shadowy form, so that i may integrate them back, with the unconditional love of my spirit self, into the whole of my being.   that’s a big sentence.  it’s also the myth of uranus and gaia at play within.  a timeless tale.  i have been doing this work for years.  it takes a long while to turn the mud ball into a pearl.  this forging aspect, i am paying extra special attention to….to balance out my usual focus on the equanimity piece.  see what i mean?  maybe not.  it’s complex, to always be both.  engaging in both eastern and western practices, masculine and feminine perspectives…to embrace the entire spectrum.  i feel my brain expanding.  so much so, i have a headache.  not sure where the headache is stemming from.  dreams of sickness last night.  possible fear deluging.  a sense of crisis in both waking and dreaming life, unsure if this is an intuition about life for all humans to come, like jung had before ww2, or if it’s my psyche acting out fears, because i committed to a solid long term future plan.  here’s where equanimity is vital.   i watch the tennis match within, and drop down into the rabbit hole to feel the feelings beneath.  fear.  sorrow.  anger.  hurt.  i watch those feelings ebb and flow like a sea.  travel further still, downward into the collective unconscious, to unearth the myth that is playing out through me.  this myth is rooted in the temperance card, in the merging of opposite forces, the crisis of creativity and rebirth, better known as alchemy.  so much is going on.  and yet at the surface you see only a woman typing in her pajamas on a saturday…no big deal.