a gentle tower fall into new…

i’m writing this blog from poulsbo, along the water, in a cafe.  peace and quiet.  water and reflection.  very confused currently, about the right school, right place, right timing.  been working through my resistances, so that’s good.  letting go of old romantic notions, old values.  being an artist has nothing to do with making money or the world recognizing me.  it only has to do with needing to make art.  i am an artist, even if i am putting my role as a healer in priority, with the public.  the world needs me, this is about the world.  i also need me, this is about me.  not being afraid to make enough money to live comfortably.  facing limitations.  the romantic arena is proving tricky too.  getting a taste, but not the full experience, letting things be what they are.  i am ok with what is unknown right now.  it’s a time for the tower.  illusions crashing.  newness rises in the east.  sometimes it just feels good to enjoy the company of another, with no need of anything more than the moment.  and sometimes it is worth the effort of contemplation, versus jumping into something quickly because it’s easy and available.  i am not gonna act all above it though, i have my anxieties.  though grace and humor are coursing through just as strong.  life is funny.  i was brought back to an old dream last night, suddenly in the car.  about my “i love america” art project i was gonna do.  where i was gonna be on the road, taking pictures of the country, and interviewing people.  helping through art.  now i am deciding to help as a counselor instead.  i did not have the drive to put myself on the road to make the america project.  maybe i could still reach for that drive.  maybe not.  but i see now, that there are two paths.  helping through art, and helping through counseling.  both are real and a part of me.  i am navigating through both.  as for romantic love, who knows how that all will flow.  i put anchors in no man.  i am not hunting.  i am not possessing.  only exploring.  just as i am with schools.  not trying to pin anything down, but instead, allowing life to show me the way, step by step, day by day.