a cold, television, and justice…

caught a darn cold and spending my last day on the couch, as to cut it off at the onset, so that i am better in time for my friend visiting.  feeling sad about leaving.  worried.  unsure.  the cards keep flipping back and forth, mirroring my confusion.  there’s always a sacrifice to made in life.  i just wanna make the right one.  doing what’s right is a tricky thing.  maybe once i get back to seattle, i will find truth.  clarity in vegas.  truth in seattle.  there was a great line spoken in the last episode of shameless i watched, said by the russian woman, “you americans want to be right.  if the other person agrees with you, they are right, and if they don’t, they are wrong…but life is not so much about this and that, black and white.”  exactly.  well, some aspects are black and white, but very few.  either you are dead or alive as a human body.  that’s pretty black and white.  but the further you travel away from the physical, the shadier the grey areas get.  and it’s true, people here are obsessed with being right.  it sours everything.  religious zealots needing to convert others to save them from hell.  total bullshit.  monogamists shaming the polyamorous.  again, bullshit.  the rationalists verses the mystics.  the this’s verses the that’s.  on and on.  believing all people are created equal is a concept, not a fact, but it’s a concept i have zero tolerance for abandoning.  skin color is just a color, nothing more.  men and women, and men who are women, and women who are men, and men who are men and women, and women who are men and women, are equal.  gay, straight, bi, pan, asexual, all equal.  even murderers and not-murderers, equal.  do you hate me for this?  equality is very black and white to me.  but preferences, be it sexual, spiritual, or lifestyle of any sort, totally grey.  hell, a rainbow actually.  i am an eclectic mix, spiritually.  i don’t believe in god.  but i know all of life is sentient and conscious.  i talk to beings in the non-physical, through my imagination, and if somebody wants to say i am making it up, i don’t mind or care.  i don’t need to be right.  but if you argue with me that one skin color is not equal to another, i do need to be right, because all skin colors are equal, and even if you are unaware of how cruel you are being by thinking otherwise, and even if you have the right to think however you want, i am taking my stance and sticking to it.  i don’t have a tolerance for prejudice on any level.  i’ll drop you as a friend in a nano-second if you think god thinks being gay is a sin, or that your skin color is better, or anything of this sort, whether from your own mind or masked behind the mind of your god.  therefor, i can be very supple and flexible, but also solid and ancient as a stone.  life is complex.  i could write so much about this. my desire for human justice is strong.  stronger sometimes than anything else.  maybe i have been watching too much television.  maybe i am learning how to care more about us, and less about me, but how i got here was by caring more about me, and not hiding behind care taking others.  for real, i had to put myself first, first, to put humanity first.  the paradox and irony is a part of life too.  almost the root.  cause of the mirror effect.  cause of the chaos beneath the order.  better end this now.  finis…