early to rise and realize…

was up at 4:30 am and out of bed an hour later, to have breakfast and coffee with the folks.  one thing i love about being here, is the ashram like detox it puts me on.  early to rise, early to sleep, not over indulging, getting in good workouts, spending time in an immaculate peaceful house, lots of time to think, a cute kitty, and loving family.  a getaway from the rain, cold, dusty ceiling, incense, one hundred year old building, and the general chaos of the hill.  away from the way i think up there too, in circles and spirals.  in fragments and chunks. where is the thread that sews all my parts together?  oh, right here in my heart.  people keep telling me to only do something if i really want to, but i am starting to understand that life here on earth, in this society, is not just about doing what you want.  it’s also about doing what you need to do, too.  a blend of the two is the practical way, the middle way, a way that leads to success.  why do i care about this?  cause i don’t want to be drifting like a leaf, all spiritual and unattached anymore.  what if, i have escaped into the spiritual?  what if it is true that i am a healer, and i do see behind the veil, and i am here to bring love and catalyze awakening….and….i am also here to experience tolerance, balance, success, and the realization of ambitions in the society that is already set up when i was born?  what if i am here to know what is fucked up about society and yet, not run away from it or be its glorified pride?  what if my complicity is valuable in that it leads me into the mouth of the beast, to bring light into the dark?  we each have our own karmas to live out.  it’s very individual, even if we are all here to love and create, learn and evolve, as all of life does, in its own way, specific to the species.  anyhow, here’s another thought….i think it is ignorant to assume that size equals significance.  this is in response to memes that show how large a super giant star is compared to earth, in order to emotionally manipulate you into believing that because your body is so tiny compared to the cosmos, that your significance is reduced.  the goal of course, is to ease arrogance.  but it annoys me.  the size of physical forms has nothing to do with importance.  every living being is important in its own right.  whose to say that we aren’t the dreams of stars?  i am sick of all of this emotional manipulation done by the media lately.  suppose i am spouting some aversion.  no biggie…