all over the place with pertinent snippets…

last night i dreamed about being humiliated, bullied, and standing up to him, not letting it get to me.  the strength felt palpable and powerful.  the dream ended with me choosing a star for the top of a christmas tree, but it wasn’t that, it was choosing a being to be the main being, or the light to be the one shining down on me…sorta…you know how dreams are…anyhow, i chose an alien woman.  she was humanoid.  a pleaidian maybe, though in the dream no distinction of origin was made, i only understood that she was from another planet and much more evolved.  last night my friend and i talked endlessly about rejection and what is feels like.  how the bar in our heads gets set too high from the combination of growing up with a broken ego and an awakened soul.  how many clients come to me with the same combo.  lately, i have been understanding how behavior is often times, so equational.  such as, a broken ego plus an awakened soul equals a person who will set their bar too high, and manifest failure.  solution: lower the bar to allow for organic human ego growth.  so many of us have over developed souls and under developed egos.  my bar is coming down from the sky.  in fact, i think i will try living without a bar all together.  new way: be loving, open, creative, and willing to work.  more uranus transit stuff.  building a new house, metaphorically speaking.  we both cried at the bar that is our cheers, about the end coming near.  maybe the only sentimental ones around, nestled in edgy energy.  looking out onto the cold city scape at night.  not even pulling tarot because lately, it’s all over the place, as if, like another friend mentioned, time is collapsing.  the future is not set like it used to be.  we don’t know what is coming.  war, aliens, catastrophe, transformation, struggle that creates growth, love that transcends pain, earth changes, nobody knows the name of the game.  preparing on intuition.  heart verses reason.  knowing which faculty to use.  thing is…unless you love and value yourself fully, you cannot love and value anybody else fully.  you might be with a partner cause you need them to give you meaning.  you might project all your pain onto your family, when you are the one who needs healing.  on and on, the karma slithers like a snake.  in the realm of romantic love, i don’t buy any of it anymore.  i don’t know what pure romantic love feels like. i’ve never been kissed in that way.  it’s ok.  i don’t need this kiss to be saved.  i don’t need saving.  i don’t need a you to be my meaning.  love should not have to be so serious.  it’s a sizzling feeling.  not to be possessed.  i think i am changing…