creativity’s winter beckoning…

i wonder when i wont mention rain in blog.  the sky looks like the diffused light you might see right upon death.  sleeping for ten hours and dreaming the craziest shit.  they should hire me to be a writer for like, “criminal minds”or something.  why is it that everything i don’t want to dream about, i dream about?  what is a dream?  yesterday was the new moon and my body made all of the decisions, while i noticed my mind trying its best to keep up.  partially cause it wasn’t raining, frolicking took priority.  i followed my body up and down the hill a few times, to grocery shop and write in different establishments.  one of places i wrote in had a nineties playlist going, and my heart burst into tender flames.  i forgot how nineties music effects me, bringing out the emotional twenty something.  college days, when i was learning exactly how the world is fucked up, while reading amazing literature, singing at open mics, writing poems, and all that cliche stuff.  it was a passionate time.  i like the nineties being back.  and i realized…maybe part of the reason we bring back decades past, is not only for the youth of today to get in on the good music, but to let us older folks plunge back into the passion of our youth.  it’s still there.  never went anywhere.  it only got shellacked by the dullness our society molds us into through too much work, productivity and materialism…not enough healing, imagination to create and time to play with being alive.  i also wonder how much of the dredging up of the past keeps us stuck on constant rewind.  round and round we go.  same rituals, songs, dress, same myths to memorize, same things to know.  some call this tradition and i don’t mean to disrespect the positive beauty of it.  don’t wanna be a baby thrower outer, when dumping out the dirty bathwater.  it’s all about balance.  too much repetition can stifle newness.  i’ve got a particular sensitivity to repetition.  a daily yoga practice produces great results, when repeated.  at the same time, i refused to do yoga yesterday cause my body needed to be an animal free of the mind’s constraint.  maybe you could argue i was being ungrounded, but sometimes i wanna be random and play.  whatever this need to escape structure stems from, gonna honor it…accepting that i might always be round, wavering, silly, bizarre, luminous, dark, slipping too far into the depths, rising too high into the ethers, loving past the due date, and falling into gaping tangents…all in favor of chaos keeping creativity alive.  perfect order and symmetry stifles.  let these eyes and hands, heart and mind, have a bit of room to roam, wander, imagine, and grow into something not yet divined…