nonsense, seriousness, primal sounds…

when i was eleven years old, my best friend’s cool older sister gave me a journal and told me to write poems in it, like she did.  this was when i started writing.  the moment i put the pen to page, words poured out of me, without thinking.  just like they do today.  damn, i wish i would have saved all my old journals.  in usual michelle fashion, i threw away or burned every single thing i ever wrote that is not online.  perhaps this is why i keep an online blog?  though i have banished about four of those too.  anyhow, i remember the first lines of the first poem i wrote in that little blue journal, “life is mystery without a clue, each brand new days it holds something new, there are many knots of crying and pain, there are many tears of happiness and shame.”   i wasn’t the most light hearted kid.  even when i was five i recall being serious, deep, spiritual…although i would never call it being spiritual, deep, serious…i just found myself connecting to the invisible forces of life a lot, finding comfort in my thoughts, and taking everything very serious.  at the same time, i giggled like crazy.  balance.  i still do.  for as much as i am serious, i am not.  there’s a part in me i call the pook.  the pook part turns sense into nonsense, order into chaos, and seriousness into ridiculousness.  the pook is always breaking apart the continuum.  she is an x-factor, what science or even the laws of nature cannot explain or contain.  why am i talking about this?  dunno.  maybe it’s the sudden onset of rain.  been tripping though, the last few days…feeling new on the inside, as if a stranger entered my body and changed the control monitors.  got star wars imagery influencing my choice of words.  thinking of the wookies and how connected i feel to them.  think i am a wookie on the inside.  a wookie, a pook, and a very serious woman….walk into a bar.  got a taylor swift song stuck in my head.  thinking about modern culture and how it sits on a throne beside ancient culture in my imagination.  taylor swift as isis.  luke skywalker as osiris.  something along these lines.  the way modern culture has skimmed the fat from the top and created luscious archetypes that might give you heart disease, but feel so good.  don’t mean to talk negative about taylor or luke, both are innocent beings of love.  these are not thought out ideas…only spontaneity and depth riding a race car through a jungle having a conversation about culture.  seized by thought forms swimming through the astral plane, hopping into my brain, having the time of their life, as i type a sentence theirs, not mine.  there is no “mine”….or is there?  both, always both, it is (says inside-yoda).  oh boy, jung was right.  the archetypes do bubble up from the depths, and are alive.  the thoughts do have people.  this is why the steeple was born.  not cause god is on high in heaven, but because a thought form wanted to convey that meaning.  nature using her craft.  i fall asunder to both wisdom and blunders.  rhyming when i can.  allowing cracks in the pavement to understand.  think this blog is me doing what i can, to let go of it all.  taylor swift makes great melodies…and luke battled his worst fear, to see that it was him all along…