diving into the underworld soon as neptune goes direct…

had a impactful trigger unleash a deep painful nerve in my unconscious, unbeknownst to him, well sort of…he watched me cry, and i told him i did not want to talk about it.  sometimes a dark soliloquy is not what you have in mind.  when the nile floods, it floods without care for convenience.  this flooding was a storm alight.  i woke up from it next morning, still flooding.  and all because of a nerve that got touched by a phrase, a detail, a fleck of sand on the beach.  how insignificance can synchronize with the the deepest shadow myth living inside, is truly brilliant.  i can say all this now, cooly confident, on the mountain peak i climbed to, from the bottom of the sea.  luckily practiced in equanimity, i got proof.  i got results.  all this yoga allowed me to watch myself writhe in pain through a childhood trauma that will never cease to haunt my very bones, literally.  the bones.  they are traumatized.  i do my best to bring stories of love and peace into their existence, like flowers gifted to a beautiful creature, honoring my sacred animal life.  a life stolen into the underworld at her most innocent.  we all go through it at some point.  it’s part of this human story.  it’s part of this earth cycle.  to have our innocence stolen.  to lose free will.  the purpose is evolution, this i can feel…and so i honor my part in this very long long long ancient story-line.  love radiates fire in this beating heart, when i think about short term me, playing an important role in life’s long term grandiose and mysterious work of art.  allowing myself to be isis when it is time to dive into the underworld, to see inside the chaos, feeling all of the dark details, protected by amethyst and garnet.  to allow the the little girl me to say i am lost, broken, and confused.  allowing myself to feel trapped in a nightmare.  to willingly walk into the mouth of the beast, and to eat my own tail.  i know this is very poetically vague explanation.  to write anything else is a book that needs writing.  blog is for the stamp.  the feeling.  the essence.  what’s even more interesting is that right on the fiery end of this flooding, a crisis about the angels was solved in my personal myth.  i had to completely let go of an old concept about them, feel the break-up, and then talk to thula about it.  i didn’t know she’d be the one to ask all the right questions, that would in turn, open the door of my unconscious, to new version of this archetype.  jeez, you probably have no clue about what i am talking about.  let me end this blog with a translation:  my deepest wound got triggered by an innocent new friend, leading me into the most painful place inside, that i met with open arms, cried out every drop of water in my body, figured out what caused it, accepted that i will always have this pain living in my heart, no matter how much i transform and heal, and with this acceptance, just so happen to solve a mythical crisis i had been on my knees about all week, through a conversation with a friend who says she tends to be in this position often.  her gift was given to me as clarity’s remodel.  the gift of a new friend was given to me as access to place inside, that i usually cannot get to, and avoid at all costs.  yet by walking into what i fear most, i transformed.  the hero’s journey marching forward on cue by the director within.  it was an awesome two days.  i am one step closer…