clarity and truth was brought to me last night. he always sees what i don’t. sun rays into my lunar perception. a mountain in my heart. now i know what has been blocking me. and i see that there can be no loss of even an ounce of integrity and care, with this one. courage to follow the heart, comes only when the mind is listening to the heart. we know in some areas and not in others. the purpose is clear and strong. it not only is about doing what i am here to do for the world, but also to know my desires are truly sacred too. a light switch went on in my head. sacred desires. could it be, that a girl born into darkness, knows not how to be human and receive love, simply because she’s been duped since day one, by an all encompassing force? cryptic i am being. compassion. for the killer of light too. every single being is born love. how it gets to the place where a being is killing life, is a sickness. evil is not real. compassion for the shooters and the shot. compassion for the darkness and the light. all is love and all is life. we are learning. momentum strong to create. looking at apartments on craiglist, thinking about if i will get that job or not. not wanting to live alone or be alone anymore, but surrendering to it cause i can do it, and it’s not so bad. yet beside that feeling is the feeling of wanting to immerse in sacred desire. what would that be like? sacred sex. sacred partnership. sacred creative work. sacred day job work. sacred food. sacred everything. what does this mean? all i can do anymore is fully love and honor every aspect of being human. i am not going to use my body to distract, dissociate, void fill, etc. this body is my animal temple and honoring the animal is the sacredness. honoring the desire for sex, affection, music, art, food, beauty, comfort, expression, animal love. connection to earth. this is what is being devalued through society’s institutions, religion and otherwise. the body. the here and now. to allow this body to love and be loved fully. it requires immense vulnerability. to allow myself to be chosen by the right man for me, and not some dupe to keep me unseen. to allow myself to create the very crux of my existence, and not pieces of pain for the entrapment. to feed myself and care for myself with the most tender care. repeating myself. repetition is magic. yoga every day, changing my life. changing from the heart outward. a ripple effect. a home practice. a lone wolf running with her little pack. a dripping milky moon. a bright star pouring into the crown of her head. being rocked. smelling vanilla on my hands, and coconut on my feet. letting go of old identities. true blue all the way through….