howdy blog. i am in good spirits this morning, for no reason, which is the best kind. the mood of the past week is washing away. i accept all the moods, even the swaddle myself in a red blanket and watch movies at night, as not to sink into fruitless thoughts moods. cause really, the down is just an energy passing through my body, it’s not me. watched so many good movies and feel inspired by great writers, directors, actors, movie makers. the best of the bunch by far was a movie titled “happy tears”. all of them have been indie flicks. as indie flicks go, there is rarely a happy ending, cause the trend is to rebel against sugary hollywood bull, in order to show real life. real life with both humor and sorrow, dream sequences, hopes dashed, and new found meaning in relationships…usually. anyhow, i am into it. now i feel like getting out of the house and being inspired. will i go to the poetry theater thing tonight? maybe. live music, plays, readings, i am hungry for creative inspiration in the flesh. since my own productivity is at an all time low, i best fill up on the brilliance of others. more more more. the hunger is large. feels good to not be in the swaddle zone. winter hitting zone. it’s dark this early, and even though this happens every year, i always forget how shocking it feels zone. walk into hades zone. don’t listen to my own thoughts zone. externalizing into film has been my balance. the workshops i am leading in the upcoming month are all wintery and intense. the justice card, journeying into the underworld, and the suit of the swords. i hope to make winter’s zone more fun and creative, less serious and daunting. not that i wish to resist serious and daunting, i only wish to make it like a good indie movie. (life imitates art) oh, the other really good movie i saw is called “cement suitcase”. it takes place in yakima, which is cool. i feel very drawn to that place. i love the weather. i would love to make a movie. it seems beyond my capability, or maybe it’s that it needs to be a collaboration and that feels out of reach. i would love to write, direct, and act. i wish to meet people as passionate as me about creating stories, both in book and movie form. i don’t like being the only one i know. thankful i am surrounded by my priestess magical sisters whom i can talk about the planets, energies, and esoteric stuff with. would love to attract some creative comrades too, especially if they would want to get into a serious and daunting creative relationship with me, to write a script and make a movie. i don’t know how this is juggled with having a job and all the obstacles of real life, but i am gonna make it work. if my hopes get dashed, i will find new meaning in relationships, laugh, cry, have a dream sequence, and start a new script….